eGo~

2007-12-22T21:43:00.000+08:00

well, its alive...
I wont want to dwell upon, why i decided to pick it up again...
boredom i guess.

well time sure does fly...
a wink of an eye and year 2007 is slowly drawing a close.
and year 2008 is slowly emereging...

as this year comes to an end,
it sets me thinking on the things i have done over the years...
i realised that i have done some to be proud of and some to be really ashamed of.
well i guess thats life.

in recent days,
i have been doubting myself on the things i have done.
am i doing the right thing?
hah people have been questioning the reasoning behind my emo nicks,
but i guess certain things are difficult to explain.

hopefully someday i will wake up to realise,
i have finally done something right.
i guess its really time...
I should do the right thing and my consience, clear..

Ha apart from that Xmas is round the corner...
well maybe Santa will guide me along.
ha....

Merry Xmas one and all.

2006-11-04T20:19:00.000+08:00

hey all,

wondering if any still reads my blog till date. been really lazy to update cos whenever i do its an hour long process with an excessive word flood. anyway thanks for visitin still.

just read a fren's ORD post which left me all teary eyed, made me decide to pen a few thoughts of my own. call me weak shit or whatever but no one would know how it feels, all i know deep in me things wouldnt be the same again.

just yesterday, a few of the closest frens i had in camp ORD-ed. i mean it wasnt easy to see them leave, i had to hold back my tears and seem happy for them as i didnt want to dampen their happy spirits on their "BIG" day. i felt their euphoric spirits as they walked up to get their long awaited ICs, being kaypo decided to join in and busk in their happy mood for a while but as they approached the office, a gush of different feelings overwhelmed me.

memories of the past came flashing back into me the moments we suffered, had fun seemed like it all just happened yesterday. I know deep in me things wouldnt happen the same way again as it did. i really miss those days where we all had to stay in where we all had fun when everything else happening outside seemed so foreign.
the OD days, till the warmups, through last 100s, into the sqaud shits, with polishing of boots into late at night happening so common that everyone knew that when the mess was filled with heavy kiwi smell and stains, that COG was round the corner. although the going was tough i always knew i could pull it through with all of u guys by my side. i wasnt alone. although there were times where there were heavy complains, we still manage to overcome everything with ease cos we knew no matter how hard we complain at the end we still had to bear all the shit. the proud moments when we landed salutes in perfect harmony with countless applause that nothing could equal to it now could only be found deep in my memories.

at times when i think back how shitty can it be havin to ORD a good 1 month later much tt i want to complain, on the tons of parades and duties that i have to mount but it seriously doesnt beat having to mount a GOH just 3 days before ORD i really have to salute u guys to tt. kudos. anyhow i only have myself to blame. but hopefully i wont get the same shit as u guys.

many a times when jokes on my ORD date seemed to be the highlight in a conversation, it seriously didnt matter to me. but now as it turns realistic, its beginning to affect me greatly. it may seem easy saying its nothing just a month more, but as a matter of fact it passes like forever, it aint easy having book in every morning to see nothing but open empty cupboards and sheet-less beds. having wake up after a short nap in the late morning to find the usual canteen buddies no longer there but now with only a little more than a handful to choose from. the usual hustle and bustle of the work day turns seemingly quiet and boring without the bunk to bunk visits. now having bump into someone on the corridors seems as difficult as me accomplishing the triple. the toilet seems as if like no one no longer visits them now with the dry washbasins and floors. the laundrette now seems redundant with the dryer running, wasting poor taxpayers money with nothing in it to dry except left behind clothings tt are dried till crisp and also AIR. seconds seems to be passing like hours in camp with no one to talk to except dwelling deeper into my pillow. but i know i have no one to blame for this except for myself.

the next couple of days would be yet another heart-wrenching one with more ppl coming back to collect their IC, saying their last goodbyes before heading out into the real world. all im left with are my poor buddies who suffers the most for our lack of drive in passin the much dreaded IPPT in the past, and also good and unforgettable memories of the days i have in the army both BMT n SAFPU now turn SAF MP command which all seemed like a month ago tt i first enlisted.

from BMTC 2 orion coy to POP to SAFPU to Basic SPDS course to NDP 05 to shit at MP Basic course to POP to OD phase to Advance SPDS course to SAF day 06 to NDP 06 to SAF MP command formation till i ORD. not forgetting the countless GOHes and duties involved. i'll like to thank one and all who have appeared and affected my life greatly in this seemingly short 2 yrs timeline. especially those who suffered greatly with me in SAFPU/SAFMPC and most importantly those in APC, we were just the unlucky batch havin to go through all the shit that i think no one had ever gone through in their stint.
thank you one and all. if not for everyone of u i wouldnt have been what i am inside and out today, be it good or bad. i have truly grown. i'll take this and remember this till the day i take my last breath and on.

sigh although im looking forward to my ORD but on the im carrying mixed feelings wondering how things will turn out at the end. tribunes and hurdles i'll have to cross en route to it but i know at the end of it all no matter what the outcome will be, GOD chose it for me to undertake, hopefully it'll all turn out well. im praying hard. i have no one to blame for except myself.

although in my heart i had wished that this wouldnt have ended or the end wouldnt have come. but i know it had to end somewhere. take care my BUDDIES, heres wishing u all the best for your upcoming endaevours. hopefully we'll get to meet up someday again and relieve the good old days we had.

take care one and all. love ya all. kudos.

PRIDE.DISCIPLINE.HONOUR.

SWIFT.SILENT.SHARP

p.s now u understand why i seldom blog. i can nv seem to stop...

2006-10-09T11:54:00.000+08:00

hey guys,
ha anyway at the airport now, ripping off their free internet access here.

yup yup finally i'll be leavin off to TAIPEI today hopefully to get better air quality there. yups till i return on friday SEE YA! till then BYE! drop me a note. oh yah if theres anything jsut gimme a ring on my Taiwan no 81207626.

SHU MING THE HANDSOME SAID HI! he typed it DUH!

loves it.

2006-09-10T11:05:00.000+08:00

it appeared once again today.

but it just seemed so distant and vague, i was scared...
i didnt dare to go anywhere near. perhaps a look would be have been fine but today all i could do was watch from afar.

how i wished i could have froze that moment and saved it in my memory and played it back whenever i needed it, but i cant. i really wished there would be a repeat telecast of it or even a new episode that is ready to air soon, im ready to star in it.

i was in self contemplation, not knowing whether what i was doing was right or wrong but i just wanted too badly. hopefully someday i would be able to fufil my wish and i know GOD will be there helpin me out, perhaps he already did today but i didnt cherish what he gave me. I'll work harder the next time hopefully then i'll be able to muster enough courage to be brave enough to take anything that comes my way.

i'll be a BRAVE boy now.

for now, i'll jsut have to wait patiently to see what comes my way. and hopefully my patience will pay off someday.

the clock's ticking. will the time come someday?

2006-09-10T00:59:00.000+08:00

sigh its been a while, been really lazy to do anything about it till today.
been feeling really lousy these couple of days but i can never phrase it out here.
i can never express myself well enough. doubt anyone realises too.

why?

i always thought i could get whatever i wanted, so long i tried hard enough, but this time i've put in all tt i could but i can never thing of the perfect approach or the correct method of doing things. i've waited long enough but apparently nothings churning out of it. everytime i see it in front of me, i get completely lost, i dunnno what to do or how to react.
WHAT DO I EXACTLY WANT?!
i think all i want is to be happy but i doubt i'll ever be.

im a difficult one.

ppl say u have to fight for your own happiness, im doing all i can. but it takes two hands to clap n im swinging my palms like mad but i dont even hear a sound out of it. how long more can i last in this challenging world? im like swimming in a dark pool with a glimmer of hope on the surface im swimming as hard as i can to reach it,but its just seems to be drifting away from me everytime i get a little closer to it. im tired neither do i want to give up.
WHAT DO I EXACTLY WANT?!

been running these days hopefully using the pain i feel physically to numb the pain im goin through in me. everytime i feel like giving up, i know if i give up so easily, its the end of everything. i'll never be able to do anything i've strived out to achieve anymore. but this time, i dont think what i want can or would ever take place, but im still clingin onto it. is it persistance or simply just ignorant? anyhow i'll rather play dumb and keep onto clinging onto it, stubborn u may say but its not what anyone can understand what im goin through.

im a tough one.

at most times i appear happy on the outside but deep in me i know its just a facade. i can never tell anyone how i feel cos no one would understand what im goin through, its tough but its better for me to live all of it myself then havin the ppl around me feel bad n sorry. dont worry i'll be fine. i tell ppl to be happy and stuff but i can never do what i preach myself. what irony. anwyay lifes too short to be upset anyway. live it for yourself. im not planning to go on too long on it too.

actually i know theres this one person who understands me best. he gives me the strength everytime i feel lost and directionless. GOD. i can always find solitude when i confide in him. but at times i really dunno if hes listening ir anythign is done.
Pls GOD grant me this one wish, i'll do anything for it. you know it.

i just want to be happy.

i may seem childish and immature. im sure you wont understand. im filling up to the brim not knowin when i may explode. im controlling myself, till then before i lose it. But will i be missed then?

please dont feel sad for me. hopefully i'll be much happier then.

I MISS YOU. when will u return?
will you happier when its all over?
i'll be waiting.

ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

-HOME-

Another summer day
Another winter day, has gone by
In either Paris or Rome...
and I wanna to go home
...Home
and I m surrounded by
a million people I
still feel all alone
I wanna go home
I miss you

And I ve been keeping all the letters
that I wrote to you,
Each one a line or two
I m fine baby, how are you?
I would send them but I know that it s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another summer day, another winter day, has gone by
In either Paris or Rome...
and I wanna to go home
...Home
and I m surrounded by
a million people I
still feel all alone...
I wanna go home

Let me go home

It s been a thrill
but I ve had my fill
let me go home

And I feel just like I m living
someone else s life
It s like I just stepped outside
and everything was going right
And I know just why you couldn t come along with me
This was not your dream
but you always believed in me...

Another winter day
Has come and gone away
in either Paris or Rome
and I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I m surrounded by
A million people I
still feel alone
I wanna go home
Let me go home

But it ll all be alright,
I m coming home
Tonight...

2006-04-16T00:41:00.000+08:00

hey ya'all,

just returned from yet another day of excessive and unneccessary spending.

checked out this rather young and vibrant cafe off purvis street, Ms Clarity Cafe, with khoon wee and benji for lunch . as the name of the cafe sounds yup, it was predominantly filled with females. however i must say it was a rather good recommendation from benji(finally for once, 10 points for that!). the food there wasnt too bad and it was reasonable too. its a should go i must say, do check it out if u are around the corner. not a bad place after all. after which we headed to town for some after meal excercise, then home and out again for dinner. went over to holland V at night with junyi, johnny, shuming n jon, for dinner and drinks. mentally CHILLED at essential brew and then again literally CHILLED at eskibar, a rather relaxing night i must say. finally im home now after yet another long long long day.

on a more serious note,
i hate spending time alone, whenever im all alone, my mind drifts on and with my vast imagination, different thoughts come to mind.
to most, i appear to be a rather happy and stressless person, deep inside im covered with tons and heaps of problems that i can never solve myself. on the outside, i may appear to be like any other teenager of my age, however inside i am not like any and would never be like them. there a billion things that i can only keep to myself and i can never share or dare speak up about it. how can i finally be like another teenager? how can i rid of all these problems and be NORMAL finally?
i need solutions. where do i get them?

drowning in nonsensical trauma.
Shaun

2006-04-15T00:45:00.000+08:00

hey guys,
im back once again.

just returned from yet another shopping session with the usual bunch of people. it was great except for a minor misunderstanding that happened just before we were going home. sorry guys, i was perhaps too tired and maybe lost my absurdly immature and childish temper. sorry.
i had a rather long day today too. having to wake up real early after sleeping late in the wee hours of the morning, yup was rahter taxing especially in the later part of the day, resulting in my bad temper. im sorry guys.

anyway, apart from today, the week hasnt been goin on very fine. my GOD Grandmother passed on at 92 last saturday. having be the GOD grandson i had to be around at the wake when i was able too. personally, this is rather one of the funerals that i had to play a part in. anyway, i nv liked the atmosphere of funerals. gloomy and sad. but i mean thats what funerals are supposed to be like. however, when its time for me to move on. i hope mine wouldnt be gloomy and sad like the usual ones. i want be a cheery one whereby everyone would be happy. ha the world, rid of an irritating monster, apart from that, i want everyone to know that i have left for somewhere rid of all the stress and the much hated rites of life on to somewhere i would be having a much happier and peaceful life. cheers, ha i dunno when this day would come and usually people would hate to talk bout such issues but for me, im ready to take it on now. im just tired. i need a good rest, i want to just close my eyes and rest forever.
im just confused.

hmm, anyway im really really sleepy now.
gonna sleep now. tomorrows gonna be a brand new day.
gotta gear myself up for the upcoming troughs in life.
hoping for the happy things that have been appearing on and off, now and then to stay. but i wonder then again how long will this happiness last.

smiling leads to unlimited happiness...

confused.
Shaun.

2006-03-27T00:24:00.000+08:00

http://www.drawahouse.com/houses/show.asp?houseID=305875&houseHash=603488889d59419e3b785b310f9dff91

Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:

Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You are very tidy person. There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends. son.

You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.

2006-03-19T23:04:00.000+08:00

hey one and all,
sudden urge to write a few words.
i think its a sunday thingy that i always have all these weird feelings and mixed up mindsets that i can neve configure myself.

the week things i think have been easin up for me, taking things into my stride with greater and a more optimistic mindset. this weekend has gone fine for me too for once, although it wasnt very good but it wasnt too bad either.

anyway, it was all of a sudden that this thought came to my mind.
does time play a part in friendships?
is there a first come first serve basis that we have to follow in friendships?
or is based on a "loyalty points" scheme? like one will get first priority if they known you longer?
there are times when i feel that maybe if friends may have got to know one another earlier, there might be a possibilty thats friendship now wouldnt be so superficial?
ha i personally am a victim of such, i often have to feel i would have to "queue" for a slot to meet up with a friend.
but for friends whom have known earlier would need not to do so, all they need is just a word of mouth then they get scheduled for their choice slot in the busy schedule even if that slot is taken up they get slotted in and the one who got it first would get CANCELLED off..

i often feel like a loser as i often get treated this way, sometimes i feel unfair as i have never or would never treat my friends this way. but must i suffer under this ideology when i do not even do it myself? or is this due to the logic that the world isnt fair?

maybe im such a loser i dont know taking yesterday as a perfect example.
i was scheduled to meet a fren at 6pm yesterday it was scheduled days ahead as the usual loner me was worried that i would have to spend my weekends alone thus had to make "appointments" earlier.
ok this was what happened my friend( not the singular tense) told me that he was going to be a little late. but the little turned out to be an hour.
imagine waiting at the mrt station reading through a BASIC THEORY BOOK all over once through, seeing friends meet up with smiles on theirs faces liek they havent met for years was really saddening for me. all i could do was wait there silently, i didnt dare to complain or be angry, as i was afraid that i would in turn have to spend that weekend alone.
i thought then was why must i be such a loser and wait for a friend who didnt even bother bout your presence?
i felt awful then was it because i am such a loser that maybe you thought, i have no one to hang out with that it was my DUTY that if i wanted to go out with you had to pay a "price" for it? which was my duty to wait..
i dunno..
all i knew was that when you arrived nv did i hear a word of apology, or feel apologetic. perhaps i was right.
it was my DUTY.
all u could say was was i angry? and stupid stuff like that. but what could i say?
sigh.
its tough to find a true friend.

am i really that detestable, that no one wants to have any form of connection with? all the "friends" that i have around would all be like acquaintances, that when the time is up.
all im left with is a BYE, or would there even be one?
perhaps, its true maybe all friends from the army would always be "HI, BYE" ones.
sigh. i dunnno.

is a true friend that difficult to find? one who could share the pain and joy with? at the end of the day, would i die friendless with a whole load of hopes?

somethings i can never say it verbally, times when i try to treat you like a true great friend, the response i get in return never turns out to be the way its supposed to be. i can never understand. at times i feel damn dumb. all the sacrifices i make, is it worth the sacrifice? all i get in return are just empty promises.

no matter wad, you would always be the friend that i ever respected so greatly and has had such an impact on me. thanks my friend. no matter i may be a "HI,BYE" friend as you see, i would always view you as the BESTEST friend i have HAD as yet or that i have respected as much.

although i dunno if u would even read this.

to me,
its the quality of time we have spent and not the quantity..

2006-03-12T21:45:00.000+08:00

this an entry of totally confused feelings which i can never clarify or straighten it out myself.
now although im supposed to be in the prime of my life,
there are times i wonder whats prime to me?
in the past i used to think it being in this phase of my life,
was supposed to be the most havoc time,
where i have tons of activites and heaps of frens to hang out with.
however in recent days im beginning to take step back and reconsider my mindset.

activities,
im beginning to feel such a loner which i had never felt like ever in my life.
i dont know what made me feel this way or become this way,
but i know i dont want to become this way either.
things that my frens of my age group do now no longer interests me.
i dont know whats going wrong and i cant change to be what i want to be.
whats holding me back? am i falling under pressure from society?
who can save me from this deep hole...

frens,
it used to be an important part of my life and still is till now, frens played an important role im the growing days of my life. as a young child, i seldom confided in anyone whenever i had problems, not even my parents, whenever i was trouble or in need of help, i know i had to face it all by myself... maybe it was just me, or the environment that i was brought up in that has made me become this way. everytime, i knew that all i had was myself.

perhaps because of this and when i was in school i was usually the youngest, i would feel severly helpless and lost. but it was in the later years primary school that changed my perception,
in the later years of my primary days, i had this great bunch of fren whom would always be there to back me up when i was down and out. although there were limits which they could help me but their help gave me a great pull whenever i needed it..

however now as i begin to grow older im beginning to lose this commaraderie feel which i had once among frens, is it because of societal change that has made people into what they are today? or is it that i cant change and become like what everyone else is. so much that at times when i finally would like to share the problems i have with somebody, i do not know how to open the dumb mouth of mine and voice out, and when i finally muster enough courage to do so, i cant find anyone that i can really share with. is there soemone who i can fall back on when i need help? is so called frens becoming like just acquaintances that just shares their compliments when you bump into one another, and dont give a hoot after we are done with one another? what happened to the me where i once thought i had everything in the world? when can i return to the prime i was once? would anyone realise one day when im gone from this cruel and mean world?

sometimes i continue lying to myself, that maybe this was a test set by God and things will be fine after this? but i think im beginning to fail this test badly and im crumbling under it... how do i save myself from this shit? who can help me? is there an angel coming to help me?

im no longer the SO happy self i once was. although i may appear the HAPPY self i am, but on the inside im NOT at all happy... maybe its tiemfor me to take a step back away from this too fast world and rethink what do i really want in life, and try to salvage this situation.

im bleeding.
save me...

HI.BYE.IM GOING.GONE...

2005-12-25T23:00:00.000+08:00

finally i have decided to move those lazy fingers and blog...
heeeeee...
so heres the much awaited entry u all have been waitin for....
i didnt want to blog actually,
but i just had too many things bottled up...
and not know how to expresss it out either.....
haha....

first and foremost,
MERRY X'MAS!!! one and all....
p.s and a HAPPY NEW YEAR too...
wishin ya all the best for the upcomin yr!!!
hope u all have got ur new yr resolutions up...
i have mine!! yay!! ha...

ok back to the purpose for my entry today....
although i had fun last night,
but yesterdae wasnt exactly the perfect day for me....
k this was wad happened,
fancy askin someone out,
but gets disappointingly turned down,
wishin to stay at home and rest,
before an outing after dinner tt night...
but who knows when i called in the afternoon,
thy was out...
i was like WTF!
ha wad to do...
nothing duh...
i felt quite disappointed but wad was i supposed to do...
interrogatE? haha....
so much for goinout only after dinner...
sigh....
I HATE LIARS~!
u could have at least said a white lie....

haha till now theres a cold war betweeen us...
there hasnt been even an xmas greetin from thy...
im sad but i dunno wad to sae or do...
ha... my best fren i claim...
but is this how my supposedly closest fren would treat thou..
im disappointed.. totally....

i dunno,
a bosom fren tt i treated like,
a brother tt i could seek ...
but this was all i got...
you know who u are!!
even my primary sch fren msged me on this very day...
but wad did i get from my close fren...
sigh....
i was disappointed the entire dae...
hah wad could i sae...
go down on my knees and request for a sms greetin...
ha i dunno but all i know from this is how much our friendship is valued...
sigh...
i get it..
thanx for confirming...
i really am lost for words i dunno wad to say..
but its just all bottled up,
clingin onto the glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel...
maybe this is really it...
i reallly not...
ha if u ever read this which i doubt,
im really really really disappointed...
im lost......
is this the end of the line?

sigh...
im really lost wad am i supposed to do?
or rather wad can i do?
can someone pls help me out...
im feelin entirely lost on this xmas dae....
help me someone....
maybe i suck as a fren?
do i?
sigh...

or maybe u lost my fone no.??
u could always email me again or leave me a tag...
my email is egokidzt@hotmail.com
i'll get back to u asap...
i promise!!!!

ha....
sigh...
heres signin off,
sad and disappointed...

Santa,

did u take my best fren away??

when can i have him back?

all i want for xmas is my best fren.....

is tt too much to ask for??

i promise i'll be a good boy and i'll be nice....

i promise..................................................

2005-08-28T15:21:00.000+08:00

wake me up when septemeber ends....

fightin to stay alive...
how long more can i last?
will it be paradise after this torture?
where are my answers...

2005-07-22T23:24:00.000+08:00

ok here goes for this post,
didnt plan for this post,
planned to do it only after this weeks NDP rehearsal,
but it loks like its gotta be now....

sigh...
newae there wasnt anything much this week in camp,
it was mainly just GOHes and all which still yet till now,
i have yet to be involved...
haha sad to sae...
ok no jokes in this post,
just a whole load of unhappiness...

ok on mondae,
wanted to do something useful,
but ended up as usual wastin the entire dae..
haha lazed around the whole day...

tuesdae...
there was GOH,
so we had a half dae to rest,
did nothing the entire morning..
in the afternoon had a short NDP rehearsal...

wednesday...
there wasnt anything much either,
cos they went to NCC for trainin in the afternoon
but i didnt go cos i HAD gaurd duty..
haha sigh sad but anyway,
this is the first guard duty tt i havent had any turnouts...

thursday...
had an NE trail,
it was fun been a long time since i went on an excursion...
haha yah then went to padang in the afternoon...
haha i was damn tired cos i didnt ahve guard rest from GD..
yah haha...
but i was fine...
yup...

todae was sports dae...
haha i enjoyed the half dae off.... yeap...

ok apart from activities this week....
sigh this week was a rather bad week...
yah conflicts aplenty...
its realy difficult to be a nice person...
sigh...

ok this was wad happened this week...

first...
on tuesdae i had to book out,
to get my passport sized photo taken,
when i left i knew i would have to get stuff for the bunk as usual,
as they were all not booking out... again...
haha so i insisted tt i would nto get anything...
so i left,
when i was at yew tee...
i got a fone call and as usual my bunk mates were askin me to get stuff and all...
ha.
yah and as usual the playful me,
insisted on not gettin anything for this particular bunk mate..
so i kept sayin NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO...
yah then we hung up...
but how would i know he would take it so seriously....
but ultimately i bought everythign they wanted...
ok when i went back.
i left the food this person told me to get for him on his bed...
cos they were still at the mess...
then i went to shower...
when i got back,
i realised the waffel was on my buddy's bed....
(my buddy OOCed so his bed is like my SUP bed)
yah at first i thought the blur me,
thought i didnt put it on his bed,
so i put it on again...
but then i saw him then transfer the waffle back onto my buddy's bed...
woooo...
tt made me boil....
i told him to take it and all where the wwas a smal tiff...
after tt a few minutes later,
he came up, and left some money on my chair...
but after tt he took the waffle and threw it into the dustbin...
...
tt act maxed me out...
i didnt want to say anythign to blow the matter up...
i just kept quiet...
didnt want to say anythign....
i didnt know wad to do or who to turn to...
so all i did was just thought to myself,
why should i lower myself to such status to do errands for ppl,
and still put up with ppl,
its fine enough tt i dont get a thank you or be appreciated,
but the least i could get was some respect....
am i like a maid or something...
it doesnt pay to be nice....
i always thought why do i always do things for others?
am i being too much of a nuisance...
sigh ppl always ask me..
why am i always buying things for others?
when i book out with them...
but wad am i supposed to sae.. NO?!
i thought it was just SHUN BIAN...
it was just tt dae tt made me really wonder am i OBLIGED to do it?
sigh...
nevertheless i dont think theres anything wrong with helpin others..
but pls treat me properly...
PLEASE~~~
ha...

ok now onto the second incident...
it still is the same person...
ok heres goes maybe i was at fault a little but need u be so angry...
on thurs was this particuilar persons birhtdae,
and as we had to stay in tt night we decided to give him a "little" celebration...
as usual army style...
we planned to actually powder his shoes.
then paint his face with camo and others....
too many to name in the plan...
yah....
so after lights out we decided to carry it out...
but everyone fell asleep...
only a few of us were left awake,
we still decdide to give him something...
so i took the powder and added to his shoes... and socks...
ha...
next morning,
the smart me forgot bout it,
and turned on the lights..
then after a while i realised he sat there starin down...
then i know yet again he was angry...
i apologised btu he was stil angry...
i didnt know wad to do...
but wad am i supposed to do i even DUSTED his shoes for him...
i gave up...
hnoestly perhaps to me.
i felt tt it was really something very serious...
maybe just me,
its just powder in shoes....
i really dunno...
maybe its not for me to judge,
but i just felt tt it might have been a little too petty...
sigh...
but it was not as if i did it on pur
pose?
it was his BIRHTDAE!!!!

so for the rest of the dae...
it was like two worlds apart...
in splendid isolation from the rest of the world....
sigh, i dunno,
but ithink he has yet to find out tt theres powder in his socks too...
heee...
hahah i dunno wad would happen...
but now i dotn care...
i think it has come to a point in time where by,
nothing can be doen to salvage this situation...
and i really dotn have the strength to....
the point i didnt get was why can our 2ic get like tau poked almost everydae..
with "free" shampooin and all...
and can still laugh it all away?
could tt have been done?
must things end up like?
i wonder if we had carreid out the full plan,
wad would ahve the ending been?
woudl it be better or worsT?
i presume tt now he thinks tt i did it solely,
but I CANT BE BOTHERED....
i would rather be the scapegoat,
then everyone get the blame....
i really dunno how would things turn out...
dunno and dotn wanna think bout it....

sigh i guess after all these months,
certain ppl still dont know me weel enough,
im not a serious person all i do is for fun..
so tt eveyone could be HAPPY!!
not seriously or on purpose...
i mean like why take everydae so seriously?
why not just enjoy everydae?
who knows if you'll leave till the next dae...
why torture oneself?
lifes' unpredicatable...
maybe its just me...
maybe i need to do to reflections....
or maybe my frens out there help me....
tag me give me some advice wad am i supposed to do?
or wad should i DO?!
HELP!

no more MR NICE GUY?!

2005-07-03T00:18:00.000+08:00

ok here goes,
since ppl have been giving feedback,
that they want to read my blog.
i shall fufil their wish...
haha newae nah i just thought it was time to update...

btw for the past week,
nothing much has happened.
oh yah i for got to mention,
i was selected to go for some war memorial ceremony,
which felll on SAF day,
hence most ppl could not take part in it.
so they had to select a few others...
lucky on my part i got to go for it...
but seriously havin to do something beats doin nothing..
on the actual dae it was fun and exciting,
as anyhow it was the first parade i was mounting...
overall, for tt short period of time we spent trainin,
we sure did a reasonable job....
cheers...

apart from tt,
just had NDP training,
although it was a long and tiring day,
i must say i still did have fun..
though it wasnt easy havin to cope with last minute changes,
hopin tt it would turn out good...
but it wasnt tt bad after all...
we all had fun...
ha even though comin back to camp late and all physically drained...
ha cant wait for the real NDP to come,
i bet by then all will be hype up with enthusiasm and excitement..

besides all the excitment coming along,
sigh i dunno why,
although SAf dae is already over,
but why do the SAF lot still seem so privelleged?!
they just keep blabberin on how great they were at SAF dae and all...
quote:
"wah these GOH(at NDP) big la, i bigger, i troopped past them at SAF day yesterdae.."
er relevance? and the point here is?
sigh i dunno....
u may say i sound jealous or such, but this is what i feel.

guard duty is yet another point..
i dont see why they shld get less guard duty then us...
i mean if they think its not fair if they have to cover up for the guard duty,
they missed out durin the SAf dae season...
they can always do an equal number to us now...
instead of yet again doin less then the non-SAf dae ppl...
i mean we have already doen their guard duty for the past 2 months...
so shld it be time nwo when gurad duty now is equally shared among?
instead of favourin the SAF dae lot...
we too are involved in NDP,
if tt really happens,
wouldnt we be losin out on a lot of NDP rehearsals too?!
hence wont we be on the losing yet once again?

i really dont understand these ppl,
on one hand they are complainin that its not fair tt they have to do so much,
so to them it would be fair,
if others so more and they do minimal!?
sigh..
ihope there would be some change to this...
a proper solution shld be out...
fair to both sides...
i hope... BUT doubt...
the non-SAF dae will still lose out on some parts...

TOO BAD...

like they say the world aint fair....
nothing is fair in the world...
however the ball is round,
what comes round goes round....
but doubt tts very relavant here,
its not happening...

wheres equality in the world tt we have been strivin for since civlisation?!

2005-06-19T19:07:00.000+08:00

back from a long and tiring week...

although it was a rather boring week in camp,
it was still rather tiring having to wake up at 5
on a SAt morning is no mean feat....
haha but it was still fun,
walking the grounds
having REst more then actuallly praticising..
what more can i say its gonna be like this for the next weeks,
till NDP...

ha after the rehearsal,
went out with the usual ppl play tons of dollars at the arcade,
was trying to waste tiem and money till our 0030 show,
BATMAN BEGINS...
its not who i am underneath but what i do that defines me...
hmm i thought it was a not too bad show....
althogh some said they felll asleep haha crazy ppl...
i wouldnt be surprised but who wanted to watch such a late movie...
even i didnt fall asleep, having woke up so early!!
whos fault was it?

apart from that,
sigh,
its difficult to see ppl leave just when u are beginnning to know them,
its just about to happen to me...
although im only beginning to know him,
we seemed to have clicked rather well,
its all gonna end...
although im disappointed and sad,
but wad can i do?
i'll always be here wishing him all the best,
as he embarks on his journey...
sigh.... I'll miss u!! and i bet everyone who noes u would...

newae gtg for now....
SAF day is approaching and although i cant wait for it to get over,
but aaron gan will be leaving right after tt..
so i dotn know if im actually looking for it...
sigh....
hoping for the best ending...
sigh....
newae gtg now... thats all for now...
seee ya guys...
take care!!!

why do we fall?

2005-06-05T00:48:00.000+08:00

hey ppl, finally after a way long hiatus...
IM BACK!!!
ha im just lazy...

hmmm btw nothing much happening these daes,
just feeling real bored from all the army stuff...
sigh...
i dunno wad or how am i supposed to feel,
for these few weeks just feelin real bad tt im not doin SAF dae,
i dunno if im disappointed or just...
sigh i dunno how to describe it....
although its supposed to be tirin,
havin to go out stay out all dae in the sun.
but i dont mind havin to do that...
i mean like i think i'll feel good doin it...
im not trying to be egoistic...
but i mean havin doen something not all will do?
how would u feel??
sigh dont ask me why or why am i not selected,
i dunno either...
i hope this will all be over really soon..

but anyhow i know that havin not done SAF dae,
im gonna be on the losing side...
sigh...
disappointing...
i just dont see why ppl around me all gets selected,
and im not...
sigh and i dont see why those ppl not get selected feel so happy..
argh...
we are like covering all their gaurd duties and everything else..
why cant it be fair and equal...
life aint fair... i know
and now we just found out tt even after SAf day,
the gaurd duty roster would remain as it is!!
tts too much...
i mean we are doin NDP TOO!!!
argh...
hmmm i dunno ill just see how everything goes...
praying for the best...
hopin tt my failure to be part in SAF day,
would not affect my future in SAFPU..

on the other hand apart from army,
i just recetly got university acceptance letters,
however this had put me in muh dilemma again...
i have two choices to pick from...
although it may seem easy...
its not!!
this concerns everything,
my life my future...
sigh hope im really making the right decision...
am i?
im accepted into NUS-FASS
and NTU-Materials Engin...
which one is it gonna be...
sigh....

haha i dunnno but recently,
i realised tt i dont feel myself anymore,
i keeep stressin myself out with al sorts of things,
sigh so many problems so little attn,
how am i supposed to handle all of it?
im not the usual happy me anymore...
where did the old me go to?
when will it be back?
i hope its soon...
it doesnt matter if i not happy inside,
as long i dont show, it will be fine..
i just hope it wont affect the ppl around...

ha newae gtg now...
dunno when ill be back hopin,
to get some new tags on...
some advice!!
haha.. see ya ppl all next time...
it'll be soon..
take care!!!

2005-01-30T14:33:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey,
i've been back for a near 2 daes already,
ha goin back to my land of despair later tonight..

newae happenings the past week...
ha come to think of it nothin much happened this week,
the only interestin thing WAS....
FIELD CAMP!
ha...

totally,
havin not able to bathe a for a good 7 daes was no mean feat,
besides not bathin was not eatin..
haha..
i just didnt have the appetite,
i didnt noe if it was good or bad,
but what the HECK i survived it...

ha...
i shant go into deep detail of the happenings of field camp,
whatever for?
but i shall brief on how i felt over this week....

ha its indeed tt field camp really shows the true person inside,
i dunno but through this field camp,
reallly showed me who were the frens,
whom would always be there for each other in times of need,
from simple details like fillin bottles to diggin of trenches...
ha i dunno but at the start of field camp,
i felt lost and down,
firstly i didnt have the appetite to eat,
and also i didnt fel too good,
ha...
it left me feelin real real lost,
i was always deep in thought in the world of my own,
not knowin what was happenin around me...
i begun to think and think,
ha all the nonsence and crap came to me...
i dunno...
ha.. im crazy...

a fren in need isnt a fren indeed....
this line came to me durin field camp...
ha i dunno but it jsut popped up into my mind...
i begin to cherish tht efrens tt were around me out of army even more,
i felt really lost at night when no one was there,
even to go to the toilet...
haha btu its really creepy at night..
luckily i had this fren who was the REAL fren i had,
he was always there through out the whole camp,
he was the only one i could rely on throughout the whole field camp...
he was always there to go to the toilet with me...
haha always there to takre care of me throughout the camp....
havin known i had no appetite he was always forcin me to eat...
haha...
i didnt anyhow thought he would have been the one,
the one tt would stand by me throughout field camp..
ha but those whom i thought would have been there wasnt...
there were always excuses when i need company,
it was only till the last few daes tt would accompany me...
ha ironic...
i think im such a failure...
what a loser...

sigh...
through this camp,
the sacrifices i made were huge...
the frens who were really there for me throughout,
would have known how i flet durin the first half of the camp.
durin the camp,
i made sacrifices fer ppl who didnt even appreciate it,
ha i really felt dumb,
doin so much fer ppl but wall i got back wasnt even thanx...
where was i?!
was it a must fer me to do so?
ha..
im just dumb...

this was exactly how i felt throughout the camp...
lsot and in despair but had no one to turn to...
durin meals...
i didnt dare to sit down,
ha ocs i wasnt eatin and i didnt want anyone to know,
but anyone knew?!
no...
haha....
all i did was to walk around and act...
ha but i guessed no one realised...
i always silently left hte crowd back to my own barsha,
and lead the life of my own world...
ha i totally felt like a loser...

sigh newae,
i dunno maybe the frens i thought were great,
werent as great as i thought..
but honestly field camp was thetime were all the horns and all popped out..
ha...
btw...
somehow one way or anoother...
nothign seems to have changed..
ha i dunno...

newae gtg now,
im tired dont even get wad im sayin needa go rearrnage my thoughts...
ha the remainin weeks of army willl be fruitful,
i hope...

huan nan jian zhen qin....

ha....

2005-01-21T11:52:00.000+08:00

hey ppl back yesterday goin back tonight,
haha..
totally crazy...
field camp is tmr,
wish me luck ppl...

ha fell sick yesterdae i guess due to the lack of sleep,
many things had happened over the week,
ok apart from tt im fine now,
but just tt the cough is still there...
and the nose not to forget..

it was a rather fast week at tekong,
started the week off really bad,
screwin up at everything i did.
the throat was killin me...
causin me to wake up havin a really bad bad nose...
yeap...
it got better in the middle of the week...
however the headaches and fever came...
ha but im feelin fine now...
hopin i would be perfectly normal,
and fightin fit for field camp...
woo hooo hope its gonna be FUN!!~?
haha... got to start packin my stuff soon...
ha wonderin how am i supposed to bring so much stuff?!
ah crazy...

newae ok i shall stop thinkin bout army for now,
till i board the bus later...
yeap...

ok the plans i have for todae...
SHIT its settlin the field camp stuff...
hahaha back to normal...
its crazy..
seee how much influence the amry can have on u?

newae oh yah back to the story,
on the poor fren on tekong...
p.s why hasnt anyone said anything about it?!
newae things got a little better,
he suppose so....
he probably feels so stressed up,
and everythin was off his mind,
as he had much more impt tasks at hand...
hence he had in mind was how to handle this things....
he was a much nervous freako,
unable to handle pressure at "right" times
ha yeap...
but with all tt support he could get,
he managed to handle it just right,
and now its all over,
he has passed it on to another person,
back as a norm soldier...
ok besides tt...
this he doesnt noe why there wasnt much communication between botht of them,
they were both tired and all,
so there wasnt much talk cos at night,
now it was just sleep...
ha yeap.
nvm hes gettin used to it,
its not as if its new haha...
but he noes things can be better...
hes now not over-relyin on him,
tt maybe a better thing,
as he is now buildin better frenships with others,
ha another thing tt he realised tt he observed over the week,
tt * ( from the last post) had a fren called # whom he knew from the past,
and now #, whom * knew,
seems to be angry with him...
ahhhhhh...
he dunno why...
is it because hes like "snatchin" away his fren??
he dunno if he is, hes really sorry..
he doesnt noe wad to say...
he just realised it like a few days ago...
sigh....
its just so difficult to handle such things...
y must life be so complicated?!

newae over the week, few has been askin him,
why is he and * so close?
honestly he doesnt noe y either,
its just tt he feels exceptionally close to him,
haha weird..
to him, * will be his BEST buddy...
always...

haha newae gtg now...
get prepared to book in tonight..
and field camp tmr...
haha if anyone reads this help this poor guy PLS!!!
ha...
help...

2005-01-15T21:56:00.000+08:00

im back all lonely and bored,
everyone is out besides me all alone at home.

first,
its the first week of BMT in tekong,
its been a hectic week.
im all tired,
ppl change,
it has been a eratic week...

here goes,
there was this young lad,
who had to do something proud off,
goin on to a deserted island,
all alone,
out of the blue,
soemone appears to him helpin him along the way,
call him *
some what or another,
it doesnt seem soon after the days pass,
the tiring missions causes the change in ppl,
he hope so.
it seems to him tt wad he thought is not happening,
to him he had found a great buddy whom he could trust and rely on,
but soon it didnt seem so to him...
it was the exact opposite,
although he tries hard to work together,
it backfires,
the distance between them seemed to be further and further away,
during their missions,
they do not have any interaction at all,
only when the sun falls,
they begin to come into contact.
thigns shouldnt be this way,
but he does not know why either.
neither does he noe wad he shld do...
it seems tt probably its a one sided thing,
he is confused,
it seems tt * has more contact with others then with him,
everything is only made known to him
through the mouths of others,
and not to him personally...
he does not know why,
wad went wrong?
he tried everything he could,
does the problem lie in him?
everyday, he ponders wad are true frens?
he is really unsure of this supposedly great friendship...
what is happening?
he really hopes this friendship would last...
but to * its only something tt lasts on the island,
out of the island,
its seperate ways...
he really hopes it would last,
but to *, he probably thinks otherwise...
someone tell him wad shld he do...
wad can be done to savage this?
anyway theres nothing much tt he can do,
it takes two hands to clap,
no matter how much he tries if the other hand does not reach out,
it wont make a difference...
what can be done to help this poor man here...
he tried his best...
does friendship limit to boundaries?
is it also possible tt friendship can last even if theres no interaction?
what defines close friends?
whenever he is feelin down and out,
theres always no source to release it out.
maybe its just not him to speak up...
i dunno..
these questions have been stormin through his mind over the week,
finally he is able to let it all out,
now he patiently waits for the answer..
when will it be?
was it wishful thinkin?

really tired now from all tt thinking now,
ha gtg now,
BYE ppl remember help save the poor soul...
give him ways to change the pathetic outcome...

newae todae was my bookout,
ha went home slept till round 1630h then rushed down to beach road,
to do some shoppin fer fieldcamp,
met a few others,
went ahead bought all tt was needed, only to realise tt it was already 1900..
haha, then all had their own plans leavin me there all alone lost..
haha rather it seemed for long i have not felt like there was no where to head...
sadly decided to go home..
ha one of them asked me to join them take a walk but with his fren whom i nv knew,
wouldnt it be weird?
personally i think it is...
it would be so awkward like an EXTRA hangin around...
i hate to be left out..
ha but these few days i am....
no one is out,
everyone is on an island...

ha..
tts it gtg now...
haha i may sound a little weird or anythin negative,
i think im just tired,
btu i had to get it offf me somehow...

2005-01-01T04:53:00.000+08:00

hey ppl,
first and foremost HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

haha just came back from town,
went there to join in the fun,
ha it was a total public display of racism.
it was continuous fighting till we got out of the mess...
overall it was fun...

oh ha the rest of the ppl left at round 3,

for mahjong,

leavin me and jon behind combin up and down town,

findin the perfect spot to chill...

its 0500h now...
haha just came home,
showered so now decided to blog..

sigh,
2004 may not have been the best year of my life,
but some how it has left an impact in me...
now im hopin tt 2005 would be a fruitful one for me...
hmmm,
ponderin on tt wouldnt be time spent fully on army?!
haha true...
newae speakin about army,
really hope it would be an eventful one,
tt would be etched deeply into me...

hmm apart from tt it has been nearly 3 daes since i booked out,
haha wad an acomplishment i watched 2 movies!!
kungfu hustle totally was a boo...
but meet the fockers was great,
watched it todae...
hah funny show.....
newae yah about todae 311204,
had some misunderstandin,
haha...
didnt really think tt u would even thought i would be angry,
haha i nv get angry fer more then a dae...
honestly but i wasnt angry just now...
it all happened as such,
it was a complete misunderstandin,
i had this fren who told me tt he had nothin on,
so ha the NICE me asked him if he wanted to join me and the rest,
but it was misunderstood and thought otherwise,
haha so i may have sounded a little annoyed,
when my kind intentions where overlooked...
but honestly i was fine...
haha hilarious...
newae bro,
im perfectly alright...
haha... hope u had FUN with ******!!
oh yah if u read this im sorry,
i didnt mean to...
sorry dude.

personally to me,
frens are like family out of home,
i think frens are real impt to me,
ppl who i can easily confide in and all....
ppl who can attack and retreat with me when im in need...
thanx all who has always been there,
when i needed help the most..
thanx...

read from a frens blog,
it quotes tt life is like a bus journey,
i think it is soo true....
on a bus journey ppl board and get off the bus,
just like in reality ppl walk in and out of ur life,
u nv noe when are they gonna alight and get off,
so why not cherish them?
rather then regrettin when it is too late?
on this bus journey,
i noe tt i would have to be the sole bus driver,
steerin the route along in which i would want to take upon.
no one can decide tt for me,
only myself...
although on this bus journey,
there may be accidents or minor hiccups,
it guides me along too,
helpin me learn from those mistakes,
not makin them again...
pickin up the broken pieces,
carryin on with the journey,
mendin it along the way,
pressing on with a nv say die attitude....
wow....
tt entry really enlightened me,
made me reflect on myself,
how true it is...
totally awed...
hmmm...

newae its gettin really really late....
im tired...
gtg for now....
oh yah ppl pls tag me keep the board goiN!!!
happy 2005....
take care all...

2004-12-29T22:37:00.000+08:00

hey PPL!!!
haha
im soooooo tired.....

anyway on a more serious note,
catastrophe after another..
does everythign have to end in such a manner?
although everything has to come to an end,
must it be this way..
sigh i always wonder wad would if it was me?
how would the ppl around me react?
how would i feel?
i really ponder...
it has been since long tt i have been wonderin,
wad and how would i feel if like i pass on?
would i be happier?
i really really wonder...
im confused it seems...
sigh...
real sorryfor those who lost their loved ones in this calamity...
although it may seem difficult,
life has to go on....
hmm anyone noes where do we go after we pass on?
sigh ha i really wonder if we would be happier somewhere from here?
hmmm oh well shall stop all these,
it would nv end...
im ready...

newae bout army these daes,
ha although the ppl in my platoon
comes from all different walks of life,
i say we should have honestly gelled rather well,
hmmm made some frens there,
some great ppl!!
ha ppl have been askin like if i noe those ppl,
BUT i dont,
maybe its just my open and friendly personality?!
haha how would i noe...
hmm newae,
apart from tt,
although i've great frens in there,
btu i have my doubts,
i dunno what should i say...
sigh...
its just weird...
nah... im going crazy?!
honestly i just do not know how to phrase it...
ha...
its not a matter of trust but its like,
i dunno...
ha ok i shall go think about it,
and return to reprase it...
ha...
sorry i dont mean to be doubting...
ok fine whatever i dunno what am i sayin either!?
but one thing is for sure tt the ppl i met there,
are all nice and sincere...
ha...
u noe who u all are...

newae im tired will be back tmr....
see ya guys...
its gonna be a long packed day ahead!!!

2004-12-25T23:04:00.000+08:00

BACK FROM PULAU TEKONG.............

yay i dunno how this works but all of a sudden im able to blog again...
ha yah...

it has been an intriguing experience for me..
its been long since i experienced such regimentated lifestyle...
many things has happened in there both good and bad...

the start of the journey wasnt very excitin at all,
ha this may sound embarassin but i dunno y,
on the first two nights whenever i called home,
i would just break down...
i really really dunno y...
try it urself,
it isnt very funny honestly...
it just comes to u...

after which got to noe the ppl there around me better,
it helps,
ha yah thanx to those
whom have helped me one way or another
adaptin and copin with the stressin and tirin days out there,
yeap.....

after soon things started to become better,
made more friends and even more friends,
ha yah,
ppl there although its greatly diff from those in CJ,
all from diff walks of life...
ha i dunno y
BUT i lost the CHINESE me after CJ,
it didnt feel right in a platoon
with a great 90% popln there speakin in chinese,
ya.. ha...
but soon got better,
ha yah...
ppl whom i really clicked with there are great ppl..
ha simple and nice...
ha they are really helpful,
helpin each other in every possible way...
honestly...
great ppl...

apart from tt...
livin and seein one another everydae,
would bound to lead to friction and squabbles...
IM SORRY...
yeap...
its really the hot and tirin weather tt makes my blood boil...
hahahahaha...
im serious...
yeap on a more serious note,
im sorry...
lets work together as 1, leave all others behind!!
haha...
i guess alls fine now...
i hope...
if i ever commit this heinuos sin again,
pardon me...
i nv get angry for more then a dae,
ask ppl who noe mE!!!
ha...

besides tt...
past experience has helped me in many ways in the diff areas in army...
move fast act fast..
drills and all yah totally helps...
like totally!!~~

ok its my first book out..
but it did not feel anythign special at all..
sigh...
played out...
once and again...
ha was supposed to havea dinner today,
BUT god noes wad happened it was cancelled...
then my MOVIE!!!
argh its oceans 12!!!
i bet im not goin to catch it ever again..
it always happens....
always left out....
argh...
then lunch tmr is postphoned which means....
all i did this book out was shop for presents!!
tts IT!!
sigh loser....
ha yah...
lesson learnt!!
plan first....
haha yah...

hmmm....
newae i need to go get my bag done im bookin in tmr...
sigh...
boring....
yeap...
its the same out here too haha...
gtg now friends,
drop me a note on my TAG if ya miss mE!!!
muahahahah....

this 2 weeks gave me some personal principles...
1) better be early than PUNCTUAL!!
2) why bother get angry? SMILE it saves ALL!!

haha.... yeap gtg now...
see ya all if all goes well i woudl be out on the 29th night!!
yay!!!
ha...

OH YAH!!!
for those bookin in,
ha honestly +ve mindset!!
move fast act fast!!!
more tips!?
thigns to bring?!
ha sms ME!!!
girls?! want stories?!
call me....
*smiles cheekily*

gtg now!!!
TATA....

training to be soldiers,
fight for our land.
once in our lives,
two years of our time.
have you ever wondered why must we serve?
b'cos we love our land,
and we want it to be free to be free.

stand up,
be on your guard.
come on everybody,
do your part,
come on every soldier,
sow and hard.
do it for our nation,
do it for our Singapore.

lookin all around us,
people everywhere,
children havin fun,
while we are holdin guns.
have you ever wondered why must this be?
b'cos we love our land,
and we want it to be free to be free.

2004-12-10T01:54:00.000+08:00

All my bags are packed
Im ready to go
Im standin here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin
Its early morn
The taxis waitin
Hes blowin his horn
Already Im so lonesome
I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that youll wait for me
Hold me like youll never let me go
Cause Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Theres so many times Ive let you down
So many times Ive played around
I tell you now, they dont mean a thing
Evry place I go, Ill think of you
Evry song I sing, Ill sing for you
When I come back, Ill bring your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that youll wait for me
Hold me like youll never let me go
Cause Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time
Let me kiss you
Then close your eyes
Ill be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I wont have to leave alone
About the times, I wont have to say

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that youll wait for me
Hold me like youll never let me go
Cause Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

But, Im leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

ha...
change it a bit k..
ha...

2004-12-10T01:40:00.000+08:00

ha just when i need it, it works...

hey...
its finally here...
tthe day has come for me to...
ha serve all... and to also lose weight...
ha..
newae its gettin late,
i gtg....

for those who do not know,
I HAVE GONE TO THE ARMY!!
ha yah.. take care ppl...
dont forget to miss me...
AND not to forget my b'dae!!
ha newae i'll get my presents when i get back...
heeeeee...
ha keep the tagboard goin ppl...
i'll reply when i get back...
i will..

sigh...
ha ok gtg now..
see ya...
see ya ALL!!
sniffs...
ha..

2004-12-03T13:14:00.000+08:00

finally, i am able to blog again....
stupid comp....

its gonne be a long one...
first after the As,
ha newae its been a long week,
a series of events have happened....

A LEVELS:
sigh i really dunno wad shld i do...
neither do i want to think about it...
i am confused...
went fer it with much confidence hopin to gun somethign down.
now it has brought me down..
sigh...
im really confused..
hope the results will at least brign me somewhere...
i really really hope the results will show..
sigh i just paranoid worried and all...
gonna go crazy soon...
newae after phy paper 5 it was like a huge rock lifted off my chest...
but then,
i am worried how it willl turn out,
sigh anyhow wad done is done...
hope it will be better and not the same as my prelims.
sigh...
anyhow the class went fer dinner at CARTEL...
ha it wasnt very fun till the end ha..
we had a stalkin session now tt was fun...
fer the first time the class was crazy over something...
haha....
truly tt was crazy..
imagine stalkin a guy till 1130?!
ha...

after which the next few daes didnt have anything special,
it was just dumb pure shoppin, ha..
special mention to Tay Wei Ting whom spent 3 daes shoppin fer the perfect look...
haha nah OH OH and also REBECCA QUEK and YONG YAO GUANG...
who both wasted nearly two hours of my precious life...
fer now...
guesss wad they did?
no dont thin i otherwise, i bet you wouldnt get it either...
...
FOLDING ORIGAMI!!!
yes yes it is... crazy la...
ha yah had to wait learn and watch them fold it..
ha...

WEDNESDAY, 1st DEC.
it was truly a night a glitz abd glam...
the usual nerds had now transfromed into elegnat swans..
we met early in the mornin then went to WTs place to drop off our clothes,
then went to far east to do our hair,
ha guess wad... i spent a near $40 on my hair,
29.40 fer the cut and 10 fer style,
ha yea,
then after stylin it was off back to WTs place to change,
we took a cab to meritus madarin fer the dinner...
ha then we went fer the dinner saw faces tt we couldnt even recognise,
ha the POWER of MAKEUP,
yea,
the dinner was fun...
photos and all... but the sad thing was....
ha i didnt win the i POD sigh,
ha then after the dinner,
the initial plan was to catch a movie but the movies had already started,
so then we decide to go ahead with K BOx but then
someone didnt want to go so we all had to abandon our plans
and go ahead with something else,
we ended up at SWENSENS although i must sae tt wasnt very fun,
it was ok.. better then goin HOME!!
ha after which we all walked back from swensens to BALMORAL,
it wasnt very far, btu the girls were in heels,
ha yah it was taxin on them,
when we got back we did NOTHING when we got home, (for JQs info)
fell aslp, woke up next mornin to discover all had left haha,
only the girls were left, ha..
so i washed up then sat around fer a while,
then left fer home,
wanted go out to collect my specs,
btu fell aslp fer 4 hrs?! ha crazy me..
did nothing after tt...

newae im back home now...
gonna go collect my specs now...
hmm yah.... finally..
newae the photos fer grad night will be up later tonight...
ha yea...
newae im now tryin to enjoy all i can before i go fer aRMy...
next fri....
hope all will pray fer me.. i noe many will be right charles?! yao guang?!
haha oh yah and my results too..
sigh i just keep thinkin bout it...
ha.

yea gtg go now ppl... take care...
will blog soon IF my comp permits me to..
ha...
btw ppl dont forget TO TAG ME!!! ha yah...
k... bye fer now...
see ya..

2004-10-16T18:48:00.000+08:00

finally, this journey has finally ended....
with a BANG.
my feelings are mixed....

it started off last year, really bad....
i didnt want to be here, hence resulted in my dislike fer the place...
I HATED IT....

however this yr it took a turn,
i begun to like wad i was studyin and slowly adapted to the place,
surprisingly, i begun to like it...
i think the teachers had played a great role in such a change,
from the failure i saw in me,
i slowly found wad i was good at...
under their patience and dedication,
i grew....

yesterdae marked the last dae at Catholic Junior College,
if it was last year... i couldnt have wanted this day to come.
but this yesterday... i wished i had a while more to enjoy this place of love...

im seriously speaking from my experience,
anyone who knows me would be able to tell you how much i hated this place,
for somewhere else tt i would rather be in... (i shant say where...)

anyway, to my dear juniors currently in CJ, its really not a bad place to be.
take a step back, think of all the great things tt only Cj can offer...
all tt dedication and love around the school...

i didnt feel that much fer the school till the ceremony yesterday,
i truly saw the passion and the love fer the students from the teachers,
i looked across the hall, thinkin to see faces of joy....
but i was surprised to see teary faces all over...
it then hit me tt i was leavin this school...
it was all over......

over this year, many things have changed...
i wish to thank all who have played a part in the change in me...
friends and most of all the teachers....

mdm tan s.l --
although she may have been a bitch at times,
she has at times played her part as our HT,
finding out how we have been...

mr tay chen hui --
his wit and his lameness has certainly made our physics lessons
much more interactive and enriching...

mr chai kin chan --
his enduring and patience has certainly helped our class...
although our results have not proven but it will.... soon..

mr david fahy --
despite ur dictator styled teaching scared us at beginning,
but we soon grew to adapt to it...

finally.....

MR ONG KIAN BENG --
at first i thought he was the most boring teacher,
but soon i found out i was wrong,
although his soft spoken voice made lessons sleepy,
but with his inspiring elements jokes and thoughts...
never failed to brighten our lessons,
his undying effort although it has not greatly shown but it has,
for me, i was once a failure in chemistry,
i hated it....
it was he who rekindled my passion fer chemistry...
if only he had thought us from j1.
sigh it has been a tough road for our class,
we started as a rock bottom class for chemistry,
but now we are beginnin to shine...
although i cant speak fer the whole class but personally,
he is the only teacher that has greatly made an impact in our two years,
the class has stood by him through the toughest....
and we have had our best year of our journey with him...
thank you once again...

Now, i can truly promote CJ to others,
as i have had one of the best years of my studying journey...
i would have done so before...
honestly, going through it is better then hearin about it....
join the big family and live it....

most importantly,
i have to thank the cast of 2t26,
this play would not have been possible without u guys,
simply the best bunch!!
and all those who have wallked through along with me in my journey..

THANK YOU ALL!!!

how saddening.... all now can only exist as memories from now on....
sigh....

deep inside the best gift that i can give to thank all,
is to excel in the upcomin examination...
gonna get down to serious, serious work...
anyway i got to go now....
hope all will be prayin for me towards my success...

oh yah the PEAK of the day,
was the activities tt went on in class,
after the entire ceremony..
curious?
ha we took photos in our sec sch uniform,
and there was moRE....
ha...
btw fer photos check out the gallery later next week...

okok gtg....

by the way...
this blog is gonna be officially
CLOSED
till after the A level examination...
take care all...
msg me if ya miss ME!!! ha...
cya all...

p.s my tagboard will still be active...
TAG me!!!

see ya everyone!!!

2004-09-23T23:05:00.000+08:00

finally im bloggin again...

the gruellin two week long war,
WITH my Brains...
has finally ended...
with me raising the WHITe flag...
but the revenge will be back...
as i stock up and recuperate,
fer the FINAL countdown....

argh im really not sure with the outcome this round,
i realy hate to have hopes,
if it comes true... its fine...
BUT
i really hate to be disappointed....
sigh...

i really tried my best fer this prelims...
or did I??
i dunno...
sigh turnin out wad it is supposed to be...
its disappointing walkin out of a paper,
knowin how to do qns but fail to do it,
as a reault or carelessness...
argh the feelin sucks...

i hate goin home after each paper...

browsing through them..

FINDING out where i have gone wrong... MYSELF!!!

i hate myself fer doin so BUt...

it has become like a routine fer me....

really depressin...

totally destroys the mood to press on fer the other papers...

thinking back on the papers,

i have done much unjustice to many things and ppl around....

family, frens, teachers, time and etc...

ppl around me have put much hope in me...

but am i givin them wad they want to see..

frens have been supportin one another...

teachers have whole-heartedly dedicated their time on us..

family standin by us, supporting us through..

really really grateful to all...

but its sooo disappointing with the results...

really hope the final battle will not end as such..

although results this time willl not be too positive..

but it has set me raring to go on further...
nv felt this "passion" to go on fer a long while..
hope it will last through..
i really want to prove myself tt i can do it...

----------------------------------------------------

ok newae apart from tt prelims ended todae....
with phy paper 5...
i thought it was ok BUT AS USUAL mixed things up...
screwed a little..
its usual...
sigh.. here we go again...
newae yup...
apart from tt...

had a really head splitting time todae...
shoppin fer presents....
sigh the SUN was enough to KILL!!!
argh....
there was more....
all tt noise....

sigh newae hope to have a full night of FUN n FOOD tml night..
haha....
the "last supper" before the journey
till the end...

newae so long till then...
hope all around me will be prayin,
fer my "success" in my conquer...

WE CAN DO THIS...
dare to DREAM...
if there is a will, theres a way...
cliche?
nah i doubt...

p.S.
recruitment on my fight starts soon....
those who wants to join my "army"...
join me soon....
rsvp... via tag board..
trainin will start soon....
alll aspects....
mental, emotional, physical...
im warning u....
i doubt its gonna be easy....

millions of seconds.... thousands of minutes...
hundreds of hours... tens(40) of days...
1 EXAMINATION!!!
outwit.... outlast.... OUT of the world!!!
ha...

ppl so long fer now..
dont forget to TAG me....
take care....
msg me via HP...
if u really miss me.. haha...
cos i hope i wont be online TOoooo
OftEN!!!
ha... see ya...

2004-09-10T18:02:00.000+08:00

argh i had to retype this.... it got deleted

finally im bloggin...
im reallly really down now...

really tired confused now...
totally caught in a dilemma now..

does the exam stress really change ppl much?
shld friends in times of such "crises" stand by one another?
argh....

y things arent like before?!
we were once friends tt could confide and study with...
i am really confused...
i noe u are tired... but isnt everyone?
i am too...
i dunno but cant answers be a little nicer hearin?
cant one just answer nicely and sraight to the pt?
saving all the sarcasm...
I noe i can get too a little short tempered..
but y shld i be subjected to such stuff??

i dunno but i feel like i am goin crazy...
argh...
behind schedule in studyin is bad enough...
now?!
such problems argh..

i dunno but i think im reallly goin nuts...
have to really get things dne..
i have studied BUT i cant remeber anything!?
its all mixed up in my head argh...
got to seriously get it all out n proper soon...

btw no hard feelings... really down now...
just need somewhere to let it all out...

newae gtg now...
take care ppl..
this might be the last blog for now..
till my prelims are over...

i need all the luck i cna get...
haha thanx
still in the mood to joke....

P.S tag me... gimme some help someone...

OMG...
I'm goin crazY!!!
GOD SAVE ME...

2004-07-29T11:08:00.000+08:00

ha in sch now..
finally im able to blog again...
somethings wrong with my comp at home...
cant blog.. ha yah...

newae ah been really stressed out for the past few days with my BP..
sigh...
maybe its due to it tts why its so high...
muahaha...

ha been makin frequent trips to and fro CMPB for the checks...
went on fri... ha guess wad it was high.. again...
the medic then referred me to the doc..
then requested to come back on another dae to do an ABP test..
yup...

had to go back on tues for the installation of the machine...
haha it sounded fun but trust me it isnt...
fancy not bathin for the whole day is not funny...
ok back newae went back on tues..
the medic placed all the TUBINGS, band, wires on me..
told me to come back the next day fer the review and i could go...
it was fast soon it was all over...
ha rushed home to reduce the embarassemnt...

ah it was super relaxed at home...
everyone was givin way to me....
ha lazing around... tryign to stay relaxed so tt my bp would be low...
haha watched tv the whole dae...
however at night my BP started to increase and then fall...
it was scary...
went to slp.. hopin tt it would fall....
couldnt wait fer the next dae to take it off...
it hurts...
for the whole dae my hand was practically NUMB...
yup...
didnt really get to slp as the pump kept pumpin hourly into the night....

next morning wipe up with a wet towel sicne i couldnt bathe then went back to CMPB..
ha went there ppl there took off the band and my arm was red..
it was hurting too...
took the device to get a print out of the pressure...
there were highs and lows...
ha then waited fer the doctor...
soon went in....

THE VERDICT.....
ha the doctor said it was.....
then said i could leave and could to get my gradin sheet...
while waitin chatted with some HJ guy who had to got through the pain like me...
ha yup... then he had to go in to see the doctor...
soon after my file came out....
ANd i was graded a PES ....
left...

its all over the weeks and weeks of tests....
and the frequent trips to CMPB...
haha gonna miss the place...
the medic there whom have become familiar with..
and the ppl in the same situation im in...
ha....

newae waitin fer the bell to ring now... but gtg soon gotta go get some stuff..
oh yah btw fer all the "concerned" ppl out there who wants to know my PEs...
haha i dunno... u decide la... ahha....

THAM QINWEN SHAUN u have been graded PES Undecided...

yup newae gtg now...
cant wait to get home...

2004-07-21T23:59:00.000+08:00

ooh finally im bloggin again...
sorry there was always something worng with the page loadin...
newae too far to go all the way back...
hmm renaissance just ended(not too long ago)...

mixed emotions....
as the hall lights lit up...
and as SJIMB proudly played the school rally...
i just realised my career in SJIMB had officially ended...
sad but wad to do....
sigh...

about the concert..
special mention to all my supporters on BOTH nights...
haha thanx a lot...
all the soft toys, flowers, sweets, chocolates, cookies and all....
THANK YOU!!
hope u enjoyed the concert...

newae about the concert itself..
ha generally the second night was way way much better then the first...
think the audience played a major role in it...
overall WELL DONE SJIMB and SJIMB alumni...
hmm over these weeks though practices were tiring a time-absorbing...
but it was all still worth it....
i dunno y..
but to feel that im much, much more connected to SJIMB then to the present CJCSB...
sigh i dunno... probably the ppl but on the other hand much of CJCSB is from SJIMB

haha..
environment plays a great part i think..
newae gonna miss all the wonderful ppl i made at SJIMB...
leonard , joey, timothy,
melvin, daniel, grs, mark wee,
bing hong, edwin, chuek, andrew,
jamin, sara, jacky plus plus plus...
the list is nv gonna end..
(sorry if i miss out on ur name, its too long...)
on the whole, the entire SJIMB...
wonderful ppl i met there....
gonna miss them..
sigh....

i dunno but feel tt i am much much closer..
to the sec 4 batch 2004 then to the 2003
hmmm i dunno...
gonna miss them lots..
ha wad a funny bunch of ppl.. sigh...

my emotions soared to its greatest,
when the band sung their songs after the concert.
as the sec 4s eyes turned red...
i dunno y but felt like mine was too..
but i had to hold it back..
anyhow im an alumni...
had my share few yrs back haha....
it would be kinda of weird to but...
ha... wadeva...

while we were walkin out of sch with the sec 4s,
they were deciding on where they were goin,
they all red eyed n teary...
while walkin my dear Jamin was laggin behind,
he was on the fone... but after i turned back he had hung up...
stopped in his tracks...
turned to the back started sobbin..
i was shocked...
wonderin wad had happened at home or something...
but it was just that the reality had got to him again...
ha tt wasnt the end,
as they were consolin one another,
they group of them broke into tears again....
but this time it wasnt so sad but they were smiling at least,
consoling one another..
i as the only non sec 4 there i didnt know wad to do...
i wanted to join them but i knew i shld not...
something was holding it back...
on the othere hand i was consoling them....
ha....

sad but sigh its all part n parcel of life,
the only thing i can sae is tt sec 4s 2004 u still have AP, bandcamp,
2 more yrs of ALUMNI...
see way much more then me..... sigh...
but time really flies...
i was once there tooo now....
EVERYTHING is HISTORY...
ha...
look on the brighter side at least u have it..

anyway... time really flies... gtg slp now..
ha newae see ya ppl on AP!!!
ha put in ur best.... and to JAMIN sigh...
try ur best to play, if u still can...
u can do it...
all u need is the confidence....
if anyone of u see this pls tell him for me...
sigh...
ha good luck everyone.. take care...
signing off its kinda late alreay...
and there is school TML!!!
ha...
signing off fer now...

hope i could play in SJIMB once again...
ha.. not its CJCSB but band there seems like a chore....
i dunno y...
sigh... HELP!!!

ha gtg fer now...
to be continued...

2004-06-29T18:29:00.000+08:00

oh yah daniel ow didnt borrow money from me!!
dunno why haha... fell so bad now...
haha hope he settled it.. ha..
sorry... but i wanted to lend wad...
u didnt want to borrow... hmmm y am i feelin bad?
haha newae feel free to ask me... ill try..
haha....

2004-06-29T18:13:00.000+08:00

exams time....
ha finished 2... one to go...
but seems like its all over...
sigh...
ha newae did i sae im not at home?
ha currently at a LAN shop.. the rest are liek playing..
but im just too tired to.. ha..
just had chem,
phy yesterdae but things do not look too good..
ha really disappointed fer chem...
studied really hard fer it...
actually its the only thing i studied fer...
haha..
but things didnt go too well...
didnt feel too bad bout phy, although it was rather easy,
but the main thing...
i didnt exactly studied hard fer it,
but not feel like i should have studied phy instead...
might have been able to passs...
ha... sigh... too late...
no mood to study fer anything now haha...
boring.. no difference now..
study or not... no difference haha...
didnt want to disappoint fer chem...
ha thought it as the only sub tt i understood haha bt...
ha sad?! hmm a little... wad to do...
ha sorry MR ong.. haha i tried...
but.. sigh..
haha i try harder next time...
ha gonna have maths on thurs but dont feel like studying fer it...
give up...
haha nah ill try(im sure)...
ha... hmm yah... haha... cant wait fer thurs...
ooh the fun and exitement... ha i feel it in my hands...
ha but i have to pass it...
ill try... haha but doubt i can.
sigh.. dont wanna disappoitn again.. ha...
try my best... do not wanna promise myself anythign more.. haha
hmmm yah... oh ya theres NE... haha hmmm maybe ill do well fer tt..
BUT i havent been reading up hte news.... haha sigh...
newae gtg continue later or on thurs...
see ya...
stay tuned haha...
to know how was maths...
or the study process...
but i think u can imagine it haha...
fightin on...

2004-06-25T00:13:00.000+08:00

I.O.U

DANIEL OW GUAN JIE owes SHAUN THAM.
a hefty(haha) sum of $100.
to be returned by the 17th of july.
thanx...

heeeeeeeeeeeeeee...............

2004-06-24T23:59:00.000+08:00

hmmm ha.. been a long wile since i last blogged...
but anyway... argh really caught up with the exam fever, this few days...
its been all mugging...
argh.. really tired...
newae dunno if i did the right thing tonight...
really confused.... argh...
y cant i just shut my mouth...
do i always have to be so nice?
sigh...
ha but argh just take it as a gamble...
trust and years of friendship are at stake...
ha its the first time im lending someone so much money....
sigh...
do i really need to? OR do u really need to...
sigh...
i hope i really made the right decision...
but wad if its a wrong move?
sigh...
do not have time to think so far...
exams are around the corner need to stay focused
ha... gambling on with my gut feel...
hope it is right, can't afford to lose....
back to my books for now...

OW GUAN JIE, DANIEL
u better pay me back my money...
snifff.... ha... i have to scrimp and save...
ha doubt most would believe
BUT
daniel ow is actually borrowing a $100 from me....
ha... better pay me back BY RENAISSANCE (ppl, anyone interested??)...
ok back... sniff....

O $ P $

haha.... oh... my money....
sigh....

2004-06-19T22:59:00.000+08:00

bakc from yg's place..
last night wasnt as fun as the other time but, it was still fun...
went drinking?!.....
coffee...
ha... learnt how to play risk, boring game... argh... didnt sleep well.... had tuition after tt.. ha died..
newae the exams stress is beginning to set in...
really worried now..
is it only when it is too late then we regret?!
ah i think so... for me perhaps...
newae gtg study or slp now...really tired and i need to do something useful...
hmmmm oh no its fathers dae and i havent got anything..
darnz...
help...
so many things to do...
haha gtg now... oh yah anyone for the concert?
TAG ME...
hmmm i might not blog for the next week..
haha hoping to study during this time...
BUT i doubt ha... see ya...

2004-06-18T20:12:00.000+08:00

ha long dae...
study..... balloon hunt agian haha...
gtg now...

off to yg's place.... hee stayover..

2004-06-17T23:02:00.000+08:00

oh yah...
SJI RENAISSANCE 2004
on the 16th n 17th July 2004
@ the SJI Performing Arts Centre
tix at $10!!
interseted?
heee anyone wants to come? msg me...

2004-06-17T22:33:00.000+08:00

haha realised i havent been blogging for a long while?
actually not very but anyway...
yah was too busy caught with band practices and studying...
shagged...
just returned from sji alumni band practice.. haha wasted time there haha it was more like a...
hmm waste-time session ha....
yah it was a total waste of time but most impt of all...
HAD FUN!!
hmmm tried studying in the mornin then went fer lunch ha...
afterwhich we spent time combing up and down streets for the BALLOONS...
gave up.. left on our own ways...
went to sji...
met d*****(doubt he wants to be disclosed ha, guess?) there at sji, as i MUST get my balloons and he needed to eat so...
we went bACK to town...
ate and FINALLY I found my balloons...
ha BUT...
while walkin into sji... the string holding it came off...
ha sent it flying into the sky...
hope it reaches heaven so GOD will know theres this poor soul on earth who really needs help haha...
hmmm yah but really had much fun and laughter with d ?
haha although the things he does might be a little CRAZY but it brought much laughter tt i hadn't experienced in a long while...
argh not forgetting him treating me like ur slave...
making me look like a selfish prick holding on to 2 balloons... ha..
but i noe u didnt mean it... haha right~~
and U THIEF!! stole my gums argh... ha..
ha thanx dude... ha newae really tired from all tt studying, banding(?!), laughing, horseplaying and all....
haha... gtg now... slp...
had fun i hadnt experienced in a long while todae....
knew it was goin to be an exciting dae... hmmm... tmr still remains a mystery... ha wondering was will it be like...

2004-06-15T23:55:00.000+08:00

haha just back from school... had alumni pract...
deadbeat...
didnt go out with them for dinner was really tired wanted to come home early, so that i could on one hand save some money and on the other start studying earlier...
haha but looks like its gonna start tml again... haha..
but guess wad?! there wasnt much food left at home ha... sigh...
haha starving..
newae goin to study soon.. cant write any much more...
gtg now... study...
also wanna slp early so that i can wake up tml... hee...

btw at the stayover... haha there was this supposed card trick BUT haha it could like so called read fortunes?
haha tried.. haha something weird happened..
it was a near perfect result haha wonder if its true or if they did it correctly..
haha... i certainly hope... hee...

ok now gtg.... see ya tml...

2004-06-14T23:41:00.000+08:00

dead...
i sooo dead...
dead from the stayover at yg's place and dead too for having not started studying for the mid years..
argh so daed sigh...
save me!!
heee the last 24hrs was really FUN...
went to hv to get a drink... then back to yg's place..
fancy playing monoploy till 5 in the morning... ha... and i wasnt tired... but now im feelin the aftermath...
haha fell asleep...
i woke up at 10 while the others only at 11..
then we porceeded for lunch then a swim at keppel club...
haha burnt...
then went to catch a movie back at town..
on the trip there, all fell asleep on the bus... ha..
a whole wasted day, but not exactly...
HAD FUN!!
hmmm back to studies, porbably gonna MUG for the next few days.. ha i hope i really need it...
newae gonna catch up with my tv.. ha ironic.. argh "i'll start tml" ha... gtg now.. to all others in my shoes, lets get started and fight on till the end.. cheers...

2004-06-13T00:46:00.000+08:00

depressed...
i dunno but today started off really well till at night...
while chatting online with a fren, i dunno if i said something wrong? but of sudden, decided go off as i said something wrong? but personally i donT EVEN KNOW!! argh... if u ever see this im REALLY SORRY!!!
sigh...
i was trying to e nice? to try to be more sociable but who noes it was not of any help... argh... i really dunno i am super confused now...
is this an identity crisis?
now i dunnno if i had made the wrong move but i couldn't hold it to myself anymore... needed to talk to someone... now i dunno if i got the right person..
argh...
he was someone whom i really trusted then but now... im not sure.... i hope u are... ha... thanx anyway for that few words u written... argh... i hope i trusted the right person...
laughs at my stupidity...
sigh... im really confused now in my life now.. dont exactly no where i am headin for... or towards... argh... its bleak...
ha... trying to laugh my sorrows away...
wads becoming to the "always" cheerful me... am i supposed to be a loner... one who lives in my own world?? argH!!!
lost~...

2004-06-12T01:43:00.000+08:00

amazed...
as the FAMOUS saying goes: nv judge a book by its cover...
i am truly in awe at how someone i know to be different from who he truly is... sigh.. not saying that he is bad... but knowing him for so long, nv knew him to be so complexed... i "underestimated" him... haha... truly impressed by him... WOW!! ha...
looks in admiration...

2004-06-11T23:35:00.000+08:00

sigh...
as in look into amazement at, how happy and proud are ppl of at their bands, i turn back and look at mine...
embarassement fills my face... y cant we be like them... at least a little... the pride, confidence and honour they uphold... sigh but the day would eventually come...
okae apart from tt...
sigh...
study... study... study...
as i ponder to myself, with all that studying, has anything really gone in?
i dread waking up every morning nowadays... its always the same routine... study... hmph.. can't things be a little different?
as time goes by...
i often stop and take a look back on things... due to the constant changes in life... at times things pass by us too fast for us to even notice...
i am caught in a dilemma...
should i change constantly along with time or remain who i am?? but most times, changes are unavoidable... however it has to be for the better... sigh...
it took me a while to realise that friends who were then of a kind now are totally different people... hence the way they were once, are now not wad they were then...
sigh wad should i do?
change?
hmmmm...
can things ever be the same like before? hmmm i really ponder to myself... am i too nice to people resulting in getting bullied?? why should i always be the one looking at people's black faces? why am i always the first to apologise in fights? is it the humnan nature in me? i really worry...
should MR nice guy(ha) be gone? i really do not know... time i really wonder y should i change for people? wad should i do..
"adapt the world as the world can adapt to me"
OR
Be who i truly am?
this two, both poses its own sense and logic to it... which should i take? or rather which would benefit me more?
i want to be the guy tt all would favour and not hate... BUT how should i do it? sigh is this too, such a great problem? hopin discover my true answer in myself soon...
experimenting...
caught in a dilemma.....

2004-06-11T00:36:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. A beautiful girl walked into your life. You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity.
Henry Bromel, Northern Exposure, The Big Kiss, 1991

2004-06-10T00:37:00.000+08:00

tired...
just returned from a concert...
as the music set in i wondered if i was there, playing...
ahh the sounds of a full band...
although it wasn't an EXCELLENT concert, it was overall... not too bad...
WELL DONE ACJC.. heee...
ooh daniel ow thanx to his forgetfulness and his irresponsiblenes?!? he lost a ticket causing our dear friend to have to miss the concert... sigh... but newae u played well haha or maybe ur sect... great job... wow nv seen u played like tt in sji... ha... change...
haiz CHANGE... how drastic can it get...
sigh at the end of the concert, i saw her yet once again(after a long while), now the feeling was stilll there but inexpressable... sigh who was exactly the third party?
i do not know...
sigh was it nearly there? or wishful thinking on my part?
i don't know either... how i wish i was the "victor" things might be different todae..
sigh... u might say im such a loser but wadeva... ha no one can understand how this feels besides myself...
its like getting the boot and not knowing it... argh the feeling is bad?! ha... sigh..
send me back in time...
ha... sigh but now i dont to be tt baddie tt destroys relations...
nah actually fine with it now although i seem not... maybe really not
BUT it doesnt matter...
sigh people really change fast... one time we can be best of frens the other moment no longer... haha how ironic...
sigh waiting fer the next sPecial person to appear to rid off this sour feel in me...
someone pls tell me wad should i do... sigh... enlighten me...
I will survive...

2004-06-09T00:53:00.000+08:00

expecto patronum

2004-06-03T23:53:00.000+08:00

sleepy...
gettin my notes done for tml's lecture...
argh bout tml its a SUPER long day.. argh..
dying...
reflecting on the famous saying:
"pot calling the kettle black."
WHAT did I DO???
huh fancy gettin told off for somethin tt i did not do but however by the person who DID it?!
wad is the world coming to argh.... U KNOW hu U R!!! sigh was really dazed when he told me bout wad i "HAD" done?!
maybe at times we should really sit back and reflect on what we have done... and if we are not able to do the same for something we should just learn how to SHUT UP!!! oMG im gettin emotional... bad bad... haha sigh... ok enough with tt...
seriously we should reflect on oneself and one's doings... ha... gtg now need to catch up with my sleep...
heee...

2004-05-26T18:44:00.000+08:00

aching.. sweaty...
ha in school waiting for nightstudy to start.. ha...
newae argh really worried bout the mid years argh...
CHEM!! arhg really worried bout it.. ha dunno how either, we are sooo behind the tutorial schedule... hmmmm really wondering if we would finish it...
hoping that SPIDERMAN would pick up some spider sense... that we are in trouble and COMe back soon to help us.. ha... im sure he willl... TRUST!!!
ha okae newae so hot and tired, really wondering if i can last through this dreadful 3 hrs... but anyhow i need to...
I WANT TO DO WELL and i NEED TO PASS GP!!!
ha alvin!! i noe u will read this, the GAME is oN!!!
haha... i will try.... ha really dreading this exams ha...
fight it and press on ppl... we are in this together...
we can do it together ha... cheers~~ argh...

2004-05-23T01:14:00.000+08:00

A man should not leave this earth with unfinished business. He should live each day as if it was a pre-flight check. He should ask each morning, am I prepared to lift-off?
Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
Carol Burnett

Happiness depends upon ourselves.
Aristotle

2004-05-23T00:07:00.000+08:00

peaceful...
[silence engulfed the room... thoughts filled my mind...]
argh how should i say... so many things going through my mind now...
no matter how strong one can be emotionally, can never undergo certain "conditions", but however it is the ability to not show the down side to other people tt trully makes him/her a unique person...
personally, i have been trying to nv show the down side when im feeling down... however many a times, i can never do that... hence i trully RESPECT and ADMIRE those who are able to do so....
its never nice to bottle up ur feelings but however its when u do not want others to worry and feel down with u or even worry about u...
argh i cant get what im talkin but nvm...
haiz at most times i feel that im an actor...
although at times i might have problems but unlike others, i try not to show others the downside of me...
i dunno why i can never express myself the why i want to be... its been this since young hence to overcome this, i will act the happy jovial me like as if theres nothing wrong and also by which cheering others up, so that they will not feel down too...
however at times i can not do so, and often leading to quarrels and fights(for those that i have offendd im sorry and i really didnt mean too)...
on another note why bother to get so much into so much trouble when u can forget about the problems more easily and optimistically then having to go through so much trouble?! ha..
argh its gettting further and further off...
[as i stared into the blank walls]
it seemed as if a story was being showed on it.. as i begin to wonder how fragile life can be... no one noes when is it time to go...
its all fated... so why not make te best of it making every moment like the last... stay happy...
in the past i used to have the immatured thought to have the feeling of suicide whenever i felt down and at my ends... (ha cant belive??) suicide was always the "only" option for me... i used to feel tt why are we here in this world to suffer... why not let this suffering all end...
however as i grew and became more matured i feel that theres never a dead end in life.. even if theres one there is still a way in getting over it.... and the "easiest" solution to me now is the "stupidest"...
as i flip open the papers there ar so many ppl who want to live on, but are unable to do so, and me here not treasurin wad i have and seekin "cowardly" routes... by doing so i have only thinkin about myself... wad bout those who care for me?? argh...
its been a really long week, many lessons on life learnt.. feeling really, really tired... cant wait for the new week to start and continue on this next chapter in life...
gtg now... preparing myself to set foot on this new, found journey in life... putting aside all the past, and doing wad i ought to... and for all, its never easy to start over but NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE... push on ppl... put aside the past and continue on in life... live it like the last... cherish the ppl u have with u now.. together we can make the best out of it...
life's unpredictable...
sigh...

2004-05-20T19:34:00.000+08:00

HEY!!! long dae hah... so many things done... CLASS TEE..
WOW!! TEACHERS Hope u like iT!! totally fascinating... looks cool ExcePt some ignorant fools hu bought wrong sizes how DUMB can they get... heee newae ahiz so many things happening in sch...
haha ok apart from what is "ONGOIN" haha haiz how unpredictable life can be....
Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.
--Mahatma Gandhi
hmm how true... argh ull nv noe... hmm...walk on... its part and parcel... geez ha so tired now... theres sport day tml argh haha WIN WIN WIN ahha haiz CLASSS SPIRIT!!! heee TRASH THE REST!!! ha newae long tired day... heee hmmm tired tired.. ha hmmm...
signin off....

2004-05-08T23:02:00.000+08:00

heeee...
somethings arent meant to be too obvious...
haiz.. wad should i do??

2004-05-08T22:50:00.000+08:00

tired...
ooh back from a whole dae from band n grocery shoppin for mUM's dae haha.. gonna be fun....
haiz its been long but theres still no talk... not even a mumble... haha haiz... hmmm pls save me haha... argh haiz...
damn tired...
really sleepy...
wishing i could go to sleep forever.....
save me..... haizz....
wish list for christmas----> a TIME MACHINE!!!
"kill me" with ur torturing...
waiting for the miracle to strike on me....
im sorry....

2004-04-30T11:24:00.000+08:00

argh, im hot, tired and sweaty now... geez just had PE in uniform?! yah serious haiz newae my stupidity on my part haha.... sorry was just a little too hot just now... okae back... haiz are things gettting better?? did i make things worse or better.. haiz i dunno its becoming worse i think.. haiz i think it was on my fault on my part haiz.... theres lesser talkin goin on haiz....SOMEONE save my out of this!!! its torturous... haiz........i really am at a dilemma.........

2004-04-23T11:19:00.000+08:00

heeee... in shcool now... lazing around.. damn bored... are things okae yet??
are we still friends... mystery..... geez... this sucks.....

2004-04-18T00:50:00.000+08:00

burnt...
argh y are things gettin more complicated... problems are pooping out one after another... will u please forgive me... i really have sinned, it was all my fault...
i'm sorry again... can things get back like the past?! impossible... somewhere there?? its gettin more awkward..
this sux.. help me please...
when can things turn back to the way they are... tell me if u know...

2004-04-16T23:06:00.000+08:00

haiz this sux, things change really fast... once u know it, its all gone argh... what can be worst...
what should i do to stop this... someone tell me whats happening... i'm beginning to hate this game... END it!?
save me from the world... its killin me....

2004-03-20T22:39:00.000+08:00

wooohooo hte holidays are ENDING!! yay NO?!
haiz boring gotta get this over and done with fast so i can go back to slog on with my homework haha...
ai yah hah yesterdae was SUPER fun!! hah went to sch round 11 okae im sorry i was late but i had to cut my HAIR?!
ha newae went to sch to do up the banners for orientation haha it was damn nice la ha okae la BETTER than expected....
hah FUN FUN...
ended up playing soccer in the bandroom... heez...
haiz went home really really tired haiz felll asleep almost straight away... yupz haiz i slept at 4 the night before to do my homework la soooo good boy right?! hmph... ha haiz didnt really do anything after tt anyway ha...
SUPER tired.... ZZzzZZ....
todae was as usual like any other typical band pracs but we had games...
but the most unusual thing tt happened todae was tt we ended at 1230h although its 1245h on the CLOCK heee...
arhz but slacked round the room for a while then went to town to get LUNCH arhz eveeryone was SUPER tired and hungry and haiz the crowd in town was enough to KILL!!!
oh YAH speaking of KILL i hate tt guy(hate not as in HATE HATE)...
erm yah haiz thanx la huh dunno wad got into him suddenly came to strip me??
i mean like huh?? at first i thought he was kidding just fooling around but he got serious?
wad the HELL!! arhz u noe hu u r... thanx la tore mY pants lUCKILY i got another phew~~ haiz still GET LOST!~!~
back to=>went to town...
haiz didnt get a place to eat anywhere wandered around till we decided to go to TAKA food court IT was SUPER SUPER packed!!!
finally found a seat haiz...
got food BUT TT tasted REALLLY bad haiz...
continued slacking around then continued it over at ming's grans place...
played Xbox and stayed on for dinner haha...
MmMMmm although i dont really like fried rice but it tasted good....
haha yup.... rotted around tilll 8... then we decided to leave...
took a bus but could not go home so sooon as my parents werent back yet haiz....
i think i should get my own keys hmmm...
ha stopped by somewhere near home to get a drink haiz...
guess wad arhz maybe some of u would not know I MET THE STALKER who stalked me at TP tt time ahhhhhhhh..... he lives close to me.... NO!!!! help!! haix scary dared not turn back... worried tt he might follow me again haiz... issit my face or wad....
anyway hurriedly without looking back walked away... haiz after getting a drink hurried back home haiz...
wad a bad dae first was gettin bullied then after tt stalked arhz... bad bad dae long night tonight somemore but im really reallly tired now arhz how i gonna finish my work?? haiz arhz so stressful haiz i HATE sch... arhz!!!
haiz now i noe why some ppl gets so stress with sch haiz gotta press on MATES we are all in this together haha...
newae gtg now... cheers to all the "HARDWORKING" ppl.... heez...

2004-03-18T23:42:00.000+08:00

back at last... feels good to be home....
hmm yesterdae was as usual BAND BAND BAND...
haha slept at 3 the night before and TRIED to wake up at 7 to go to jonathan's palce haha but ended up waking up at 8 hee...
rushed my way down to his place... rotted around till 11 when all the "mahjong" kaki's came haha damn unlucky that day didnt even wil a single game haix... anyway though reluctant to leave HAD to couldn't BE late ha...
LOVED badn tt dae ooh...
sectionals was practically a WASTE of time sat there waiting for time to pass(we could only do this when kai lin isnt here) hee... haha the only thing tt we really had to think about or do was to DEVISE a route to the CANTEEN so tt SOMEBODY!! would not see us... hee turning sectionals to a MINI section picnic..
then cOMbined!! haha practically a talk COCk session.. ooh just sat there and stoned for the first hour ha... although i wasnt really listening but some points brought up was really some how true... ha... anyway yah the session ended up to be a "DEBATE" between esmond and alvin.. leavin the rest there to rot and to catch some rest haha.. but it was a GoOOOood thing hee... then had BAND and it ended EARLY thanx to the superbly RELAIBLE clock hah...
after band was SURPRISED to recieve a call from mummy askin me to meet her TAKA hah... just as i was about to PON tuition haha went to meet her... and she didnt kow or remember tt i had tuition so i KEPT quiet haha...
while walking under the Orchard underpass haha met steph and matt xchanged his and byes... but steph had to ASK!!! quote:"not going for tuition arh?" arhz felt liek killing her then myself at tt moment... my mum was just 2 metres away... immmediately walked away haha.. but i guess she didnt hear BUT wad if she DID!! haiz played along but in my heart i was contemplating yet again whether to go or not to...
haha met daniel ow along the way then justin, mario n ley hong haa... and thanx again mario!!! had to shout quote:"shaun, meeting ur girlfrien??" thanx la...my mum turned back haiz... but she prob didnt hear again haha... oops went to DFS haha walking around...
FINALLY my consience got me i DECIDED to go for tuition haha... got a ride from my father to tuition hah stoned there for 2hrs haiz at least i did something haha... was really really tired after tuition... fell asleep on the bus NEARLY missing my sTOP!! phew...
today haiz though i didnt want to, i HAD to go to JB with my parents ha... at first found out tt my pasport did not have enuff months?!(as in need at least a min of 6 months before a guy above the age of 15 can go away) ya tts wad i meant.... but my father said it was alright haha so went ahead..
haha LUCKILY i was able to go... phew... so went there shopped around ate... boring haa had nothing to buy besides food.... haha ate at like this cafe the AMBIENCE was damn nice and relaxin haha... hmm had a damn nice cheese cake ooh... haha OH YAH met the CJ bball team there hah kewl... wad a small world...
after tt my sis was supposed to have tuition so had to rush home but as we were approaching home the tuition teacher said he would not be able to make it haha... rushed all the way for nothing haha.... while i was supposed to come home then go out again to meet mario and the rest haha but got played out just as i was about to leave they SAID THEY were going home haix.... felt like dyin haha.... fell asleep for like 2 hrs then woke up watched TV till now .. hmmm feeling a little hungry now gotta go get some food hahaha!! wow so long already.... hmmm haha gtg now...

2004-03-17T09:58:00.000+08:00

*sigh* today's such a bad bad day, feeling so down and confused... aHhHhHhH... haiz I can forsee that this holidays is going to be sooooooo boring and horrendous arhz... havin to wait for J2s to go out then I can go... haiz since when was it set that only J1s could go out with J1s and J2s can only go out with J2s and that J2 could NOT go out with J1s... (what the hell since when was this the case?!?!) arhz... looks like I got to REALLY reflect!! So much for an egalitarian society hmm... wads the difference between a J1 and a J2... Can someone please TELL and ENLIGHTEN me?!?! *sigh* help me pls... so much for a cheerful ME!! haiz... arhz don’t wanna dwell on it any more... just pls let me know wad am I supposed to do please... geez...
haiz really I soOoOOo think today is such a BAD BAD day!! I escaped DEATH (im serious)!! Ha finished tution then was walkin out to the bus stop across the road with glenn and so happen to see our bus arriving so we dashed across the two way road and the usual SMART ALEC me, only saw the cars coming from one side and forgot to watch the cars from the other side haiz... and there was this car coming straight at me... and I really didn’t know wad had happened to me I was rooted to the ground... luckily the car braked in time(it was just 2m away!!)... Phew... wondered what would have happened if the car had no braked in time... haiz SEEE... WHAT A "WONDERFUL" DAY!! How unpredictable life can be... arhz... wishing someone could take me away to somewhere, where there isn't such torture... haha...
I really cant take it anymore... and im not always tt usual cherrful and crazy person that everyone sees I too have my DARK and DOWN sides... but its just tt I don't show it... haiz... I just not show it by acting like a joker... haiz and I noe I can BE really "mean" at times !!BUT!! if u noe me well, u'll noe that im jokin, im never serious when I laugh or put someone down... but when I... am u can see it... haiz if I ever made u feel offended im really sorry... haiz don’t take it to heart... k?? haiz really wish to just make frens and not enemies... arhz~~... life "rocks"... haiz... where are the miracles in life...

2004-03-16T16:52:00.000+08:00

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hELP wads WRONG~!!!! SOMEONE TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!! just when i thought i was having fun!!!!!!!!!

2004-03-16T15:17:00.000+08:00

phew... *sigh* its been a long day... had a damn FUN night haha with all that straightenin of hair and the laughs and giggles with the bormbardment of mingli's bro room ... haha but theres always the PROs and CONs in life haiz had a really BAD, BAd night while getting to sleep last night... i was SUPER tired not exactly tired, but i couldnt get to sleep haha... having to fight over blankets and getting hugged and (not exactly) groped haha... but STilll it was really FUN!?!~~ right?!? haha we should have more of these please(*hint*)... haha anyway... as i said i had BAND at 1300h, haha havin leave mingli's place at 1200h... i had to RUSH all the way home to wash up and get changed... hmmm... i seriously think i was rather lucky today haha... got on the buses consecutively (there's some spelling error here) haha anyway yah.. wow made it home in time to bathe and then get changed... but this is where all the good luck ends i suppose... just as i was about to step out of the house haha.... IT STARTED POURING!! ahhhhhh... i ran across the road to the bus-stop... THEN guesss wad!! YES!! wOW~!! the bus came haha... i took it then met along the way with the rest of the "stayoverers" then went to school... haha at BAND it was the usual "sectionals" then combined, haiz the usual if not even MoRE Boring.. ha after which we went to THOMSON plaza... although its a DAMn boring place to go to but its damn convienient for me to go home hee... ate at KFC ah... super fattening dying in the FAT... started to GOSSIP... haha after which ANNE!!! had the crazy craving for ICE CREAM went all over to look for it, then mingli's bro joined us... (hmmm haha we havent actually met and introduced yet !!BUT!! i noe u ARE a MARIST...) geez... anyway went around till they found this christian shop.... ahh haha went iN BUT!! stayed there walking round the shop for a near half an hour haha... arhz by the time they walked out it was DARK!! ha... we decided to GO hOME!! yay~~ haha went to the bus stop haha now guess wad!!! haha yes!! yes!! took it all the way home.. but felt rather bad haha was supposed to take a bus tt vig could take with me but the bus tt came was the one tt only i could but vig couldnt haiz i was really tired so i just left... SORRY!~ yup haha stoning at home till now waiting for the energy to surge back into my body so i can i HOPE start on my work haha... but wait theres TV!~ haha wad the HELL WORK... am i NUTS?!? its the HOLIDAYS!! guess wad i have tuition tomorrow AGAIN!!! woohooo.... life "rocks"! im sure la~~

2004-03-15T18:15:00.000+08:00

woo hoo my first message... geez... its now 0204h... my tummy's rumbling and i cant get to sleep... having a sleepover at a fren's place... the rest have gone out to 7-11 to get some food to fill our "little" angry tummies... while the others here are fallin asleep... just had a CJ Band BBQ FiRsT EvEr and the turn out was REALLY good... WOW!!~ haha didn't eat much then haha too tired out by the FAILED attempt to start the fire... HAHA... newae can't really get to sleep... not used to it... although im rather tired had physics tuition this morning!! ahh hah went there every lesson to get VERBALLY bashed... hah BUT ITS ALL FOR GOOOooOooD hoping that i would really do well after all tt "hARd WoRk" tt im !~!trying!~! to put in now... After all i didnt do too well for CTs haiz really got to start working this Holidays~~ BUT its all PACKed!! arhz.. anyway... enjoying the serenity of the nEW moNdaY morning... woohoo~~ can't wait to get home and fall asleep on my nice comfy bed... ahh haha BUT the problem!! theres BAND at 1300h wAD THE HEll!? haiz gonna die at band tml but wait a Minute doesn't that, always happen... haha WOW today's such a WONDERFUL day... trying to be really OPTiMisTiC.... although i'm gonna be so gRouChy and gRUMpY... heh... newae better go catch some sleep haha... and prepare myself mentally and physically for the mental torment and torture at BAND tomorrow.... *sighz*