well, its alive...
I wont want to dwell upon, why i decided to pick it up again...
boredom i guess.

well time sure does fly...
a wink of an eye and year 2007 is slowly drawing a close.
and year 2008 is slowly emereging...

as this year comes to an end,
it sets me thinking on the things i have done over the years...
i realised that i have done some to be proud of and some to be really ashamed of.
well i guess thats life.

in recent days,
i have been doubting myself on the things i have done.
am i doing the right thing?
hah people have been questioning the reasoning behind my emo nicks,
but i guess certain things are difficult to explain.

hopefully someday i will wake up to realise,
i have finally done something right.
i guess its really time...
I should do the right thing and my consience, clear..

Ha apart from that Xmas is round the corner...
well maybe Santa will guide me along.
ha....

Merry Xmas one and all.



hey all,

wondering if any still reads my blog till date. been really lazy to update cos whenever i do its an hour long process with an excessive word flood. anyway thanks for visitin still.

just read a fren's ORD post which left me all teary eyed, made me decide to pen a few thoughts of my own. call me weak shit or whatever but no one would know how it feels, all i know deep in me things wouldnt be the same again.

just yesterday, a few of the closest frens i had in camp ORD-ed. i mean it wasnt easy to see them leave, i had to hold back my tears and seem happy for them as i didnt want to dampen their happy spirits on their "BIG" day. i felt their euphoric spirits as they walked up to get their long awaited ICs, being kaypo decided to join in and busk in their happy mood for a while but as they approached the office, a gush of different feelings overwhelmed me.

memories of the past came flashing back into me the moments we suffered, had fun seemed like it all just happened yesterday. I know deep in me things wouldnt happen the same way again as it did. i really miss those days where we all had to stay in where we all had fun when everything else happening outside seemed so foreign.
the OD days, till the warmups, through last 100s, into the sqaud shits, with polishing of boots into late at night happening so common that everyone knew that when the mess was filled with heavy kiwi smell and stains, that COG was round the corner. although the going was tough i always knew i could pull it through with all of u guys by my side. i wasnt alone. although there were times where there were heavy complains, we still manage to overcome everything with ease cos we knew no matter how hard we complain at the end we still had to bear all the shit. the proud moments when we landed salutes in perfect harmony with countless applause that nothing could equal to it now could only be found deep in my memories.

at times when i think back how shitty can it be havin to ORD a good 1 month later much tt i want to complain, on the tons of parades and duties that i have to mount but it seriously doesnt beat having to mount a GOH just 3 days before ORD i really have to salute u guys to tt. kudos. anyhow i only have myself to blame. but hopefully i wont get the same shit as u guys.

many a times when jokes on my ORD date seemed to be the highlight in a conversation, it seriously didnt matter to me. but now as it turns realistic, its beginning to affect me greatly. it may seem easy saying its nothing just a month more, but as a matter of fact it passes like forever, it aint easy having book in every morning to see nothing but open empty cupboards and sheet-less beds. having wake up after a short nap in the late morning to find the usual canteen buddies no longer there but now with only a little more than a handful to choose from. the usual hustle and bustle of the work day turns seemingly quiet and boring without the bunk to bunk visits. now having bump into someone on the corridors seems as difficult as me accomplishing the triple. the toilet seems as if like no one no longer visits them now with the dry washbasins and floors. the laundrette now seems redundant with the dryer running, wasting poor taxpayers money with nothing in it to dry except left behind clothings tt are dried till crisp and also AIR. seconds seems to be passing like hours in camp with no one to talk to except dwelling deeper into my pillow. but i know i have no one to blame for this except for myself.

the next couple of days would be yet another heart-wrenching one with more ppl coming back to collect their IC, saying their last goodbyes before heading out into the real world. all im left with are my poor buddies who suffers the most for our lack of drive in passin the much dreaded IPPT in the past, and also good and unforgettable memories of the days i have in the army both BMT n SAFPU now turn SAF MP command which all seemed like a month ago tt i first enlisted.

from BMTC 2 orion coy to POP to SAFPU to Basic SPDS course to NDP 05 to shit at MP Basic course to POP to OD phase to Advance SPDS course to SAF day 06 to NDP 06 to SAF MP command formation till i ORD. not forgetting the countless GOHes and duties involved. i'll like to thank one and all who have appeared and affected my life greatly in this seemingly short 2 yrs timeline. especially those who suffered greatly with me in SAFPU/SAFMPC and most importantly those in APC, we were just the unlucky batch havin to go through all the shit that i think no one had ever gone through in their stint.
thank you one and all. if not for everyone of u i wouldnt have been what i am inside and out today, be it good or bad. i have truly grown. i'll take this and remember this till the day i take my last breath and on.

sigh although im looking forward to my ORD but on the im carrying mixed feelings wondering how things will turn out at the end. tribunes and hurdles i'll have to cross en route to it but i know at the end of it all no matter what the outcome will be, GOD chose it for me to undertake, hopefully it'll all turn out well. im praying hard. i have no one to blame for except myself.

although in my heart i had wished that this wouldnt have ended or the end wouldnt have come. but i know it had to end somewhere. take care my BUDDIES, heres wishing u all the best for your upcoming endaevours. hopefully we'll get to meet up someday again and relieve the good old days we had.

take care one and all. love ya all. kudos.

PRIDE.DISCIPLINE.HONOUR.

SWIFT.SILENT.SHARP

p.s now u understand why i seldom blog. i can nv seem to stop...



hey guys,
ha anyway at the airport now, ripping off their free internet access here.

yup yup finally i'll be leavin off to TAIPEI today hopefully to get better air quality there. yups till i return on friday SEE YA! till then BYE! drop me a note. oh yah if theres anything jsut gimme a ring on my Taiwan no 81207626.

SHU MING THE HANDSOME SAID HI! he typed it DUH!

loves it.



it appeared once again today.

but it just seemed so distant and vague, i was scared...
i didnt dare to go anywhere near. perhaps a look would be have been fine but today all i could do was watch from afar.

how i wished i could have froze that moment and saved it in my memory and played it back whenever i needed it, but i cant. i really wished there would be a repeat telecast of it or even a new episode that is ready to air soon, im ready to star in it.

i was in self contemplation, not knowing whether what i was doing was right or wrong but i just wanted too badly. hopefully someday i would be able to fufil my wish and i know GOD will be there helpin me out, perhaps he already did today but i didnt cherish what he gave me. I'll work harder the next time hopefully then i'll be able to muster enough courage to be brave enough to take anything that comes my way.

i'll be a BRAVE boy now.

for now, i'll jsut have to wait patiently to see what comes my way. and hopefully my patience will pay off someday.

the clock's ticking. will the time come someday?



sigh its been a while, been really lazy to do anything about it till today.
been feeling really lousy these couple of days but i can never phrase it out here.
i can never express myself well enough. doubt anyone realises too.

why?

i always thought i could get whatever i wanted, so long i tried hard enough, but this time i've put in all tt i could but i can never thing of the perfect approach or the correct method of doing things. i've waited long enough but apparently nothings churning out of it. everytime i see it in front of me, i get completely lost, i dunnno what to do or how to react.
WHAT DO I EXACTLY WANT?!
i think all i want is to be happy but i doubt i'll ever be.

im a difficult one.

ppl say u have to fight for your own happiness, im doing all i can. but it takes two hands to clap n im swinging my palms like mad but i dont even hear a sound out of it. how long more can i last in this challenging world? im like swimming in a dark pool with a glimmer of hope on the surface im swimming as hard as i can to reach it,but its just seems to be drifting away from me everytime i get a little closer to it. im tired neither do i want to give up.
WHAT DO I EXACTLY WANT?!

been running these days hopefully using the pain i feel physically to numb the pain im goin through in me. everytime i feel like giving up, i know if i give up so easily, its the end of everything. i'll never be able to do anything i've strived out to achieve anymore. but this time, i dont think what i want can or would ever take place, but im still clingin onto it. is it persistance or simply just ignorant? anyhow i'll rather play dumb and keep onto clinging onto it, stubborn u may say but its not what anyone can understand what im goin through.

im a tough one.

at most times i appear happy on the outside but deep in me i know its just a facade. i can never tell anyone how i feel cos no one would understand what im goin through, its tough but its better for me to live all of it myself then havin the ppl around me feel bad n sorry. dont worry i'll be fine. i tell ppl to be happy and stuff but i can never do what i preach myself. what irony. anwyay lifes too short to be upset anyway. live it for yourself. im not planning to go on too long on it too.

actually i know theres this one person who understands me best. he gives me the strength everytime i feel lost and directionless. GOD. i can always find solitude when i confide in him. but at times i really dunno if hes listening ir anythign is done.
Pls GOD grant me this one wish, i'll do anything for it. you know it.

i just want to be happy.

i may seem childish and immature. im sure you wont understand. im filling up to the brim not knowin when i may explode. im controlling myself, till then before i lose it. But will i be missed then?

please dont feel sad for me. hopefully i'll be much happier then.

I MISS YOU. when will u return?
will you happier when its all over?
i'll be waiting.

ashes to ashes, dust to dust.


-HOME-

Another summer day
Another winter day, has gone by
In either Paris or Rome...
and I wanna to go home
...Home
and I m surrounded by
a million people I
still feel all alone
I wanna go home
I miss you

And I ve been keeping all the letters
that I wrote to you,
Each one a line or two
I m fine baby, how are you?
I would send them but I know that it s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another summer day, another winter day, has gone by
In either Paris or Rome...
and I wanna to go home
...Home
and I m surrounded by
a million people I
still feel all alone...
I wanna go home

Let me go home

It s been a thrill
but I ve had my fill
let me go home

And I feel just like I m living
someone else s life
It s like I just stepped outside
and everything was going right
And I know just why you couldn t come along with me
This was not your dream
but you always believed in me...

Another winter day
Has come and gone away
in either Paris or Rome
and I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I m surrounded by
A million people I
still feel alone
I wanna go home
Let me go home

But it ll all be alright,
I m coming home
Tonight...



hey ya'all,

just returned from yet another day of excessive and unneccessary spending.

checked out this rather young and vibrant cafe off purvis street, Ms Clarity Cafe, with khoon wee and benji for lunch . as the name of the cafe sounds yup, it was predominantly filled with females. however i must say it was a rather good recommendation from benji(finally for once, 10 points for that!). the food there wasnt too bad and it was reasonable too. its a should go i must say, do check it out if u are around the corner. not a bad place after all. after which we headed to town for some after meal excercise, then home and out again for dinner. went over to holland V at night with junyi, johnny, shuming n jon, for dinner and drinks. mentally CHILLED at essential brew and then again literally CHILLED at eskibar, a rather relaxing night i must say. finally im home now after yet another long long long day.

on a more serious note,
i hate spending time alone, whenever im all alone, my mind drifts on and with my vast imagination, different thoughts come to mind.
to most, i appear to be a rather happy and stressless person, deep inside im covered with tons and heaps of problems that i can never solve myself. on the outside, i may appear to be like any other teenager of my age, however inside i am not like any and would never be like them. there a billion things that i can only keep to myself and i can never share or dare speak up about it. how can i finally be like another teenager? how can i rid of all these problems and be NORMAL finally?
i need solutions. where do i get them?

drowning in nonsensical trauma.
Shaun



hey guys,
im back once again.

just returned from yet another shopping session with the usual bunch of people. it was great except for a minor misunderstanding that happened just before we were going home. sorry guys, i was perhaps too tired and maybe lost my absurdly immature and childish temper. sorry.
i had a rather long day today too. having to wake up real early after sleeping late in the wee hours of the morning, yup was rahter taxing especially in the later part of the day, resulting in my bad temper. im sorry guys.

anyway, apart from today, the week hasnt been goin on very fine. my GOD Grandmother passed on at 92 last saturday. having be the GOD grandson i had to be around at the wake when i was able too. personally, this is rather one of the funerals that i had to play a part in. anyway, i nv liked the atmosphere of funerals. gloomy and sad. but i mean thats what funerals are supposed to be like. however, when its time for me to move on. i hope mine wouldnt be gloomy and sad like the usual ones. i want be a cheery one whereby everyone would be happy. ha the world, rid of an irritating monster, apart from that, i want everyone to know that i have left for somewhere rid of all the stress and the much hated rites of life on to somewhere i would be having a much happier and peaceful life. cheers, ha i dunno when this day would come and usually people would hate to talk bout such issues but for me, im ready to take it on now. im just tired. i need a good rest, i want to just close my eyes and rest forever.
im just confused.

hmm, anyway im really really sleepy now.
gonna sleep now. tomorrows gonna be a brand new day.
gotta gear myself up for the upcoming troughs in life.
hoping for the happy things that have been appearing on and off, now and then to stay. but i wonder then again how long will this happiness last.

smiling leads to unlimited happiness...

confused.
Shaun.



http://www.drawahouse.com/houses/show.asp?houseID=305875&houseHash=603488889d59419e3b785b310f9dff91

Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:

Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You are very tidy person. There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends. son.

You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.



hey one and all,
sudden urge to write a few words.
i think its a sunday thingy that i always have all these weird feelings and mixed up mindsets that i can neve configure myself.


the week things i think have been easin up for me, taking things into my stride with greater and a more optimistic mindset. this weekend has gone fine for me too for once, although it wasnt very good but it wasnt too bad either.


anyway, it was all of a sudden that this thought came to my mind.
does time play a part in friendships?
is there a first come first serve basis that we have to follow in friendships?
or is based on a "loyalty points" scheme? like one will get first priority if they known you longer?
there are times when i feel that maybe if friends may have got to know one another earlier, there might be a possibilty thats friendship now wouldnt be so superficial?
ha i personally am a victim of such, i often have to feel i would have to "queue" for a slot to meet up with a friend.
but for friends whom have known earlier would need not to do so, all they need is just a word of mouth then they get scheduled for their choice slot in the busy schedule even if that slot is taken up they get slotted in and the one who got it first would get CANCELLED off..

i often feel like a loser as i often get treated this way, sometimes i feel unfair as i have never or would never treat my friends this way. but must i suffer under this ideology when i do not even do it myself? or is this due to the logic that the world isnt fair?

maybe im such a loser i dont know taking yesterday as a perfect example.
i was scheduled to meet a fren at 6pm yesterday it was scheduled days ahead as the usual loner me was worried that i would have to spend my weekends alone thus had to make "appointments" earlier.
ok this was what happened my friend( not the singular tense) told me that he was going to be a little late. but the little turned out to be an hour.
imagine waiting at the mrt station reading through a BASIC THEORY BOOK all over once through, seeing friends meet up with smiles on theirs faces liek they havent met for years was really saddening for me. all i could do was wait there silently, i didnt dare to complain or be angry, as i was afraid that i would in turn have to spend that weekend alone.
i thought then was why must i be such a loser and wait for a friend who didnt even bother bout your presence?
i felt awful then was it because i am such a loser that maybe you thought, i have no one to hang out with that it was my DUTY that if i wanted to go out with you had to pay a "price" for it? which was my duty to wait..
i dunno..
all i knew was that when you arrived nv did i hear a word of apology, or feel apologetic. perhaps i was right.
it was my DUTY.
all u could say was was i angry? and stupid stuff like that. but what could i say?
sigh.
its tough to find a true friend.

am i really that detestable, that no one wants to have any form of connection with? all the "friends" that i have around would all be like acquaintances, that when the time is up.
all im left with is a BYE, or would there even be one?
perhaps, its true maybe all friends from the army would always be "HI, BYE" ones.
sigh. i dunnno.

is a true friend that difficult to find? one who could share the pain and joy with? at the end of the day, would i die friendless with a whole load of hopes?

somethings i can never say it verbally, times when i try to treat you like a true great friend, the response i get in return never turns out to be the way its supposed to be. i can never understand. at times i feel damn dumb. all the sacrifices i make, is it worth the sacrifice? all i get in return are just empty promises.

no matter wad, you would always be the friend that i ever respected so greatly and has had such an impact on me. thanks my friend. no matter i may be a "HI,BYE" friend as you see, i would always view you as the BESTEST friend i have HAD as yet or that i have respected as much.

although i dunno if u would even read this.

to me,
its the quality of time we have spent and not the quantity..



this an entry of totally confused feelings which i can never clarify or straighten it out myself.
now although im supposed to be in the prime of my life,
there are times i wonder whats prime to me?
in the past i used to think it being in this phase of my life,
was supposed to be the most havoc time,
where i have tons of activites and heaps of frens to hang out with.
however in recent days im beginning to take step back and reconsider my mindset.

activities,
im beginning to feel such a loner which i had never felt like ever in my life.
i dont know what made me feel this way or become this way,
but i know i dont want to become this way either.
things that my frens of my age group do now no longer interests me.
i dont know whats going wrong and i cant change to be what i want to be.
whats holding me back? am i falling under pressure from society?
who can save me from this deep hole...

frens,
it used to be an important part of my life and still is till now, frens played an important role im the growing days of my life. as a young child, i seldom confided in anyone whenever i had problems, not even my parents, whenever i was trouble or in need of help, i know i had to face it all by myself... maybe it was just me, or the environment that i was brought up in that has made me become this way. everytime, i knew that all i had was myself.

perhaps because of this and when i was in school i was usually the youngest, i would feel severly helpless and lost. but it was in the later years primary school that changed my perception,
in the later years of my primary days, i had this great bunch of fren whom would always be there to back me up when i was down and out. although there were limits which they could help me but their help gave me a great pull whenever i needed it..

however now as i begin to grow older im beginning to lose this commaraderie feel which i had once among frens, is it because of societal change that has made people into what they are today? or is it that i cant change and become like what everyone else is. so much that at times when i finally would like to share the problems i have with somebody, i do not know how to open the dumb mouth of mine and voice out, and when i finally muster enough courage to do so, i cant find anyone that i can really share with. is there soemone who i can fall back on when i need help? is so called frens becoming like just acquaintances that just shares their compliments when you bump into one another, and dont give a hoot after we are done with one another? what happened to the me where i once thought i had everything in the world? when can i return to the prime i was once? would anyone realise one day when im gone from this cruel and mean world?

sometimes i continue lying to myself, that maybe this was a test set by God and things will be fine after this? but i think im beginning to fail this test badly and im crumbling under it... how do i save myself from this shit? who can help me? is there an angel coming to help me?

im no longer the SO happy self i once was. although i may appear the HAPPY self i am, but on the inside im NOT at all happy... maybe its tiemfor me to take a step back away from this too fast world and rethink what do i really want in life, and try to salvage this situation.

im bleeding.
save me...

HI.BYE.IM GOING.GONE...



finally i have decided to move those lazy fingers and blog...
heeeeee...
so heres the much awaited entry u all have been waitin for....
i didnt want to blog actually,
but i just had too many things bottled up...
and not know how to expresss it out either.....
haha....

first and foremost,
MERRY X'MAS!!! one and all....
p.s and a HAPPY NEW YEAR too...
wishin ya all the best for the upcomin yr!!!
hope u all have got ur new yr resolutions up...
i have mine!! yay!! ha...

ok back to the purpose for my entry today....
although i had fun last night,
but yesterdae wasnt exactly the perfect day for me....
k this was wad happened,
fancy askin someone out,
but gets disappointingly turned down,
wishin to stay at home and rest,
before an outing after dinner tt night...
but who knows when i called in the afternoon,
thy was out...
i was like WTF!
ha wad to do...
nothing duh...
i felt quite disappointed but wad was i supposed to do...
interrogatE? haha....
so much for goinout only after dinner...
sigh....
I HATE LIARS~!
u could have at least said a white lie....

haha till now theres a cold war betweeen us...
there hasnt been even an xmas greetin from thy...
im sad but i dunno wad to sae or do...
ha... my best fren i claim...
but is this how my supposedly closest fren would treat thou..
im disappointed.. totally....

i dunno,
a bosom fren tt i treated like,
a brother tt i could seek ...
but this was all i got...
you know who u are!!
even my primary sch fren msged me on this very day...
but wad did i get from my close fren...
sigh....
i was disappointed the entire dae...
hah wad could i sae...
go down on my knees and request for a sms greetin...
ha i dunno but all i know from this is how much our friendship is valued...
sigh...
i get it..
thanx for confirming...
i really am lost for words i dunno wad to say..
but its just all bottled up,
clingin onto the glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel...
maybe this is really it...
i reallly not...
ha if u ever read this which i doubt,
im really really really disappointed...
im lost......
is this the end of the line?

sigh...
im really lost wad am i supposed to do?
or rather wad can i do?
can someone pls help me out...
im feelin entirely lost on this xmas dae....
help me someone....
maybe i suck as a fren?
do i?
sigh...

or maybe u lost my fone no.??
u could always email me again or leave me a tag...
my email is egokidzt@hotmail.com
i'll get back to u asap...
i promise!!!!

ha....
sigh...
heres signin off,
sad and disappointed...








wake me up when septemeber ends....

fightin to stay alive...
how long more can i last?
will it be paradise after this torture?
where are my answers...



ok here goes for this post,
didnt plan for this post,
planned to do it only after this weeks NDP rehearsal,
but it loks like its gotta be now....

sigh...
newae there wasnt anything much this week in camp,
it was mainly just GOHes and all which still yet till now,
i have yet to be involved...
haha sad to sae...
ok no jokes in this post,
just a whole load of unhappiness...

ok on mondae,
wanted to do something useful,
but ended up as usual wastin the entire dae..
haha lazed around the whole day...

tuesdae...
there was GOH,
so we had a half dae to rest,
did nothing the entire morning..
in the afternoon had a short NDP rehearsal...

wednesday...
there wasnt anything much either,
cos they went to NCC for trainin in the afternoon
but i didnt go cos i HAD gaurd duty..
haha sigh sad but anyway,
this is the first guard duty tt i havent had any turnouts...

thursday...
had an NE trail,
it was fun been a long time since i went on an excursion...
haha yah then went to padang in the afternoon...
haha i was damn tired cos i didnt ahve guard rest from GD..
yah haha...
but i was fine...
yup...

todae was sports dae...
haha i enjoyed the half dae off.... yeap...

ok apart from activities this week....
sigh this week was a rather bad week...
yah conflicts aplenty...
its realy difficult to be a nice person...
sigh...

ok this was wad happened this week...

first...
on tuesdae i had to book out,
to get my passport sized photo taken,
when i left i knew i would have to get stuff for the bunk as usual,
as they were all not booking out... again...
haha so i insisted tt i would nto get anything...
so i left,
when i was at yew tee...
i got a fone call and as usual my bunk mates were askin me to get stuff and all...
ha.
yah and as usual the playful me,
insisted on not gettin anything for this particular bunk mate..
so i kept sayin NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO,NO...
yah then we hung up...
but how would i know he would take it so seriously....
but ultimately i bought everythign they wanted...
ok when i went back.
i left the food this person told me to get for him on his bed...
cos they were still at the mess...
then i went to shower...
when i got back,
i realised the waffel was on my buddy's bed....
(my buddy OOCed so his bed is like my SUP bed)
yah at first i thought the blur me,
thought i didnt put it on his bed,
so i put it on again...
but then i saw him then transfer the waffle back onto my buddy's bed...
woooo...
tt made me boil....
i told him to take it and all where the wwas a smal tiff...
after tt a few minutes later,
he came up, and left some money on my chair...
but after tt he took the waffle and threw it into the dustbin...
...
tt act maxed me out...
i didnt want to say anythign to blow the matter up...
i just kept quiet...
didnt want to say anythign....
i didnt know wad to do or who to turn to...
so all i did was just thought to myself,
why should i lower myself to such status to do errands for ppl,
and still put up with ppl,
its fine enough tt i dont get a thank you or be appreciated,
but the least i could get was some respect....
am i like a maid or something...
it doesnt pay to be nice....
i always thought why do i always do things for others?
am i being too much of a nuisance...
sigh ppl always ask me..
why am i always buying things for others?
when i book out with them...
but wad am i supposed to sae.. NO?!
i thought it was just SHUN BIAN...
it was just tt dae tt made me really wonder am i OBLIGED to do it?
sigh...
nevertheless i dont think theres anything wrong with helpin others..
but pls treat me properly...
PLEASE~~~
ha...

ok now onto the second incident...
it still is the same person...
ok heres goes maybe i was at fault a little but need u be so angry...
on thurs was this particuilar persons birhtdae,
and as we had to stay in tt night we decided to give him a "little" celebration...
as usual army style...
we planned to actually powder his shoes.
then paint his face with camo and others....
too many to name in the plan...
yah....
so after lights out we decided to carry it out...
but everyone fell asleep...
only a few of us were left awake,
we still decdide to give him something...
so i took the powder and added to his shoes... and socks...
ha...
next morning,
the smart me forgot bout it,
and turned on the lights..
then after a while i realised he sat there starin down...
then i know yet again he was angry...
i apologised btu he was stil angry...
i didnt know wad to do...
but wad am i supposed to do i even DUSTED his shoes for him...
i gave up...
hnoestly perhaps to me.
i felt tt it was really something very serious...
maybe just me,
its just powder in shoes....
i really dunno...
maybe its not for me to judge,
but i just felt tt it might have been a little too petty...
sigh...
but it was not as if i did it on pur
pose?
it was his BIRHTDAE!!!!

so for the rest of the dae...
it was like two worlds apart...
in splendid isolation from the rest of the world....
sigh, i dunno,
but ithink he has yet to find out tt theres powder in his socks too...
heee...
hahah i dunno wad would happen...
but now i dotn care...
i think it has come to a point in time where by,
nothing can be doen to salvage this situation...
and i really dotn have the strength to....
the point i didnt get was why can our 2ic get like tau poked almost everydae..
with "free" shampooin and all...
and can still laugh it all away?
could tt have been done?
must things end up like?
i wonder if we had carreid out the full plan,
wad would ahve the ending been?
woudl it be better or worsT?
i presume tt now he thinks tt i did it solely,
but I CANT BE BOTHERED....
i would rather be the scapegoat,
then everyone get the blame....
i really dunno how would things turn out...
dunno and dotn wanna think bout it....

sigh i guess after all these months,
certain ppl still dont know me weel enough,
im not a serious person all i do is for fun..
so tt eveyone could be HAPPY!!
not seriously or on purpose...
i mean like why take everydae so seriously?
why not just enjoy everydae?
who knows if you'll leave till the next dae...
why torture oneself?
lifes' unpredicatable...
maybe its just me...
maybe i need to do to reflections....
or maybe my frens out there help me....
tag me give me some advice wad am i supposed to do?
or wad should i DO?!
HELP!

no more MR NICE GUY?!




ok here goes,
since ppl have been giving feedback,
that they want to read my blog.
i shall fufil their wish...
haha newae nah i just thought it was time to update...

btw for the past week,
nothing much has happened.
oh yah i for got to mention,
i was selected to go for some war memorial ceremony,
which felll on SAF day,
hence most ppl could not take part in it.
so they had to select a few others...
lucky on my part i got to go for it...
but seriously havin to do something beats doin nothing..
on the actual dae it was fun and exciting,
as anyhow it was the first parade i was mounting...
overall, for tt short period of time we spent trainin,
we sure did a reasonable job....
cheers...

apart from tt,
just had NDP training,
although it was a long and tiring day,
i must say i still did have fun..
though it wasnt easy havin to cope with last minute changes,
hopin tt it would turn out good...
but it wasnt tt bad after all...
we all had fun...
ha even though comin back to camp late and all physically drained...
ha cant wait for the real NDP to come,
i bet by then all will be hype up with enthusiasm and excitement..

besides all the excitment coming along,
sigh i dunno why,
although SAf dae is already over,
but why do the SAF lot still seem so privelleged?!
they just keep blabberin on how great they were at SAF dae and all...
quote:
"wah these GOH(at NDP) big la, i bigger, i troopped past them at SAF day yesterdae.."
er relevance? and the point here is?
sigh i dunno....
u may say i sound jealous or such, but this is what i feel.

guard duty is yet another point..
i dont see why they shld get less guard duty then us...
i mean if they think its not fair if they have to cover up for the guard duty,
they missed out durin the SAf dae season...
they can always do an equal number to us now...
instead of yet again doin less then the non-SAf dae ppl...
i mean we have already doen their guard duty for the past 2 months...
so shld it be time nwo when gurad duty now is equally shared among?
instead of favourin the SAF dae lot...
we too are involved in NDP,
if tt really happens,
wouldnt we be losin out on a lot of NDP rehearsals too?!
hence wont we be on the losing yet once again?

i really dont understand these ppl,
on one hand they are complainin that its not fair tt they have to do so much,
so to them it would be fair,
if others so more and they do minimal!?
sigh..
ihope there would be some change to this...
a proper solution shld be out...
fair to both sides...
i hope... BUT doubt...
the non-SAF dae will still lose out on some parts...

TOO BAD...

like they say the world aint fair....
nothing is fair in the world...
however the ball is round,
what comes round goes round....
but doubt tts very relavant here,
its not happening...

wheres equality in the world tt we have been strivin for since civlisation?!



back from a long and tiring week...

although it was a rather boring week in camp,
it was still rather tiring having to wake up at 5
on a SAt morning is no mean feat....
haha but it was still fun,
walking the grounds
having REst more then actuallly praticising..
what more can i say its gonna be like this for the next weeks,
till NDP...

ha after the rehearsal,
went out with the usual ppl play tons of dollars at the arcade,
was trying to waste tiem and money till our 0030 show,
BATMAN BEGINS...
its not who i am underneath but what i do that defines me...
hmm i thought it was a not too bad show....
althogh some said they felll asleep haha crazy ppl...
i wouldnt be surprised but who wanted to watch such a late movie...
even i didnt fall asleep, having woke up so early!!
whos fault was it?

apart from that,
sigh,
its difficult to see ppl leave just when u are beginnning to know them,
its just about to happen to me...
although im only beginning to know him,
we seemed to have clicked rather well,
its all gonna end...
although im disappointed and sad,
but wad can i do?
i'll always be here wishing him all the best,
as he embarks on his journey...
sigh.... I'll miss u!! and i bet everyone who noes u would...

newae gtg for now....
SAF day is approaching and although i cant wait for it to get over,
but aaron gan will be leaving right after tt..
so i dotn know if im actually looking for it...
sigh....
hoping for the best ending...
sigh....
newae gtg now... thats all for now...
seee ya guys...
take care!!!

why do we fall?